We Are Family Podcast Season 2, Episode 4 with Ashley Iaconetti Haibon and Jared Haibon: How They Knew They Would Parent Together
Fans of the Bachelor franchise have long cheered on Ashley Iaconetti Haibon and Jared Haibon's relationship. The reality stars officially tied the knot in 2019 but have recently opened up about the next chapter in their fairytale: preparing to be first-time parents.
"A couple of weeks ago I was like, 'I don't know if I'm ever going to feel normal again,'" says Iaconetti Haibon, who's due with the couple's first child—who they recently announced is a boy—in February and has been open with fans about her pregnancy and morning sickness. "But I might be on the cusp of it now. It doesn't mean that I don't want to get off the couch. I'm still pretty nauseous and not feeling normal, but I'm certainly not throwing up as much as I was a week or so ago, so knock on wood."
Luckily the mom-to-be is starting to feel better, and Haibon says that they'll continue to share their full lives—including the ups and downs of pregnancy—with followers to help rid taboos around trying to conceive and misperceptions around pregnancy.
"Honestly, we can't control other people or what they say or what they do, but Ashley is the type of person that is what you see is what you get," he says. "She just can't hold anything in. So the idea of trying to hide either us trying to get pregnant, or her being pregnant, would have been so awful because she can't do it. She physically cannot hold in anything."
Check out Episode 4 now for more with Ashley and Jared!
Upcoming episodes and topics this season include:
- Episode 5: Ben Feldman
- Episode 6: Candace Parker
Listen to Season 2, Episode 4 right now:
Plus, follow along here:
Ashley: Hi, it's Ashley Iaconetti Haibon.
Jared: Hi, it's Jared Haibon.
Ashley: And family means, to me, love, comfort, and support.
Jared: Family means, to me, home.
Julia Dennison: Hi, and welcome to We Are Family. I'm here with fan-favorite star of The Bachelor franchise, with appearances on The Bachelor, Bachelor in Paradise, Bachelor Winter Games, Ashley Iaconetti and her husband. Well, Ashley Iaconetti Haibon now that she's married to her husband, Jared Haibon, who she met on Bachelor in Paradise. Ashley is also a correspondent for Access Hollywood, contributor to Cosmopolitan magazine, and co-host of the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast with Ben Higgins, and I Don't Get It podcast. Jared is also a podcaster, co-hosting Help! I Suck at Dating with Dean, Jared, &. Ashley's also pregnant. Congratulations, Ashley. Ashley, Jared, welcome to We Are Family. Thanks for coming on.
Ashley: Thank you so much.
Jared: Thanks for having us.
Julia: Well, first off, right off the bat, Ashley, how are you feeling? I know you're just coming out of that first trimester, which I know can feel so rough for so many people, especially sounds like you've been going through it.
Ashley: I've definitely gotten better. So there's a light right now, which is very promising. A couple of weeks ago I was like, "I don't know if I'm ever going to feel normal again." But I might be on the cusp of it now. It doesn't mean that I don't want to get off the couch. I'm still pretty nauseous and not feeling normal, but I'm certainly not throwing up as much as I was a week or so ago, so knock on wood.
Jared: Yeah. Two weeks ago it was full survival mode, and now she's only, yeah, I'd say 50 percent survival. The other 50 percent is still not good, but not the worst.
Julia: Well, I'm glad it's not the worst. I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better. I have a 5-year-old now, so this is in the rear view mirror, but I definitely remember those ups and downs during my pregnancy. I think I could just about stomach carbs and that was it. The idea of vegetables was just...
Ashley: Seriously, cheesy carbs.
Julia: I did not want to look at a salad.
Ashley: No. I haven't had a salad. I had one salad in the whole first trimester, and that was a good day. He had a Caesar and I was like, "You know what? I'll have a few bites."
Julia: Right? So then I thought, you know what, my daughter's going to grow up loving pizza, bagels, bread, and that's it. Sure enough. I mean, she's 5, and who doesn't love carbs at that age? I mean, we all do, but sure enough, she loves that pizza and those carbohydrates.
Ashley: Macaroni and cheese and pizza. Those are my safest bets.
Julia: There you go. There you go. So We Are Family is all about family, obviously, and I want to hear all about your plans and your pregnancy a little bit more, and your relationship, but, but I wanted to rewind a little bit. I'd love to hear a little bit about both of your upbringings. Can you both tell me a little bit about what your childhoods were like?
Ashley: I think for me, I mean, my family's really close. My parents have the greatest, strongest relationship, and my sister and I are best friends. There was literally not one bad memory from it.
Jared: Yeah. I think both Ashley and I just got super lucky that we had two incredible people that raised us, and that really cared about having a family core that would support us. A lot of people can't say this, but I never felt alone, and I think that's very important when you're growing up.
Ashley: Yeah. Jared and I, we never got into trouble, but I never had any desire to get into trouble. I always thought of my parents, not necessarily as friends, because my parents never really wanted me to see them as friends, but definitely a very friendly relationship. I wasn't scared to talk to them about anything. Why would I want to mess up something that just was so great?
Julia: That's wonderful. Now that you are becoming parents yourselves, is there anything that you learned from your own parents, or any traditions or values that you feel like you really want to pass on to your kid?
Jared: I mean, the biggest tradition that I want to pass on to my child is having a family Christmas. I love the holiday season. I rewatch Christmas Vacation every year, A Christmas Story. I mean, there's just a list of movies that I have to watch, I get into the spirit, and I really, really love being home for Christmas, and Ashley knows how important that is to me. So that's definitely a tradition that I want to pass down to my kid.
Ashley: My family and I, starting at fourth grade, we always went on a yearly cruise. So that was just the most amazing week of the year for us.
Julia: Now I'm really curious in terms of, what did your parents think about when you said that you were going to be taking part in the Bachelor franchise? Both of you. Did your parents have opinions about that? What were their first reactions?
Ashley: My mom was, of course, the biggest supporter. She watched the show with me for years, thought it would be the funniest thing. She was always joking about, "What if you're on the show?" When I got like into casting, she was, like me, certain I was going to get on, and then my dad thought it was a huge mistake. He was not the happiest, but wasn't saying I couldn't do it. He couldn't tell me what to do. I was still 26.
Jared: So when I was going through the casting process, my parents were very supportive. They thought it was really cool. And then once I finally got asked if I wanted to go on this show or not, both of them said, "You're going to regret it if you don't do it." They were super sweet throughout the entire time. Specifically when I decided to go on the show, they said that they were always going to support me, and they had faith that I wasn't going to do anything stupid on TV. So it was a crazy time in my life, but they were both so supportive of it.
Ashley: And I have to throw this in there. My dad admits now that that was the one life decision that I made, that he wasn't in support of, that he says he was definitely wrong on.
Julia: Wow. That's major when you can get your dad to admit to being wrong about something, I feel like.
Ashley: Well, a lot of good has come from that, and now he's all like, "You keep doing what you're doing."
Julia: So what I think is really awesome and pretty incredible is that your kid is going to have video evidence of the moment that you both met. I know as somebody who watches The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise, and I watched Bachelor Winter Games, Ashley, I was hanging on the edge of my seat with the backs and up and then down, and then whether you guys are going to be together, and then you weren't together, and then you were together again. Can you talk me a little bit through that, how you eventually got to the place so that you could be in the relationship together? What are your thoughts if your child was going to watch it back?
Jared: I mean, we've talked about it a lot. It really just came down to when I started feeling like I was losing Ashley, was the moment where I needed to take a look at the mirror and really decide whether I was going to dive fully in and after the thing I want, or continue being scared and live in a state of perpetual fear, of always wondering, "Am I making the right decision? Is this the best thing for me, for her?" Instead I just went for it, and I'm eternally lucky that I did. And then for our kid being able to see us back on Bachelor in Paradise, it's definitely weird. I always say I don't want them seeing it when they're young, but it's going to be really hard to stop them because everything is on the internet now.
There's some life lessons that I am going to try to teach our child when they see us back on Bachelor in Paradise. I think there's some good lessons there, saying it's not always going to be easy and it's not a fairytale. Sometimes relationships are difficult and you have to put effort in, and then you're going to have ups and downs, and you have to work through it together. So I think that there's certain lessons that they can learn from their parents' relationship. But I'm hoping that he or she doesn't see that until later in life.
Julia: So then what did your parents, respective parents, think when you finally got together?
Jared: Oh my God. My parents were always Team Ashley.
Ashley: That's hilarious.
Jared: They always thought I was a big idiot.
Julia: Really? I love that.
Jared: Oh, yeah.
Ashley: Oh my God, when I would come to Rhode Island just to hang out, they'd be like, "We're just letting you know that we think Jared's stupid." They're also like, "In his own time, he'll probably come around." His parents were so team me, it was really nice. My parents, I think they went back and forth throughout the years that we were friends being like, "It'll happen. Why isn't it happening? It's probably not going to happen." So when it did, I don't think my parents were surprised of the instance that it happened in. I think every woman knows, get the guy jealous, and if he doesn't come around then, then he's probably not going to come around. But it's a tactic that will work.
Jared: I mean, in the moment it's hard to predict, but when you really look back with everything that happened, it was so predictable what was going to happen. I remember when I first saw Ashley, when I heard that she possibly was dating someone else, and Tanner was there. Tanner and Jade were there. The first thing Tanner said to me was, "All right. So how you feeling?" They all knew.
Julia: So now let's fast forward to once you'd been married, and you were trying for a baby. You were very public about that, which I think is so awesome. You announced on social media that you were trying for a baby. I love that. I mean, working at Parents, we were all about the transparency, and always feel like the more we talk about trying to conceive the better off everybody is. But what were your feelings going into that? Did that feel risky knowing that millions of people were going to be watching the clock too? Did it feel like there was added pressure?
Ashley: We decided to be open about it because we were going to be open about everything. If we were struggling, we were going to be open about that. If we had a miscarriage, we were going to be open about that, just to rid the world of taboos. Which it's getting better, of course, but you know, a couple years ago.
Jared: Also just to rid ourselves of taboos. Honestly, we can't control other people or what they say or what they do, but Ashley is the type of person that is what you see is what you get. She just can't hold anything in. So the idea of trying to hide either us trying to get pregnant, or her being pregnant, would have been so awful because she can't do it. She physically cannot hold in anything.
As a guy, I mean, I just feel oblivious and ignorant to everything that has to do with pregnancy, and I'm learning on the fly. First of all, morning sickness, I got news for everybody out there. It's not morning sickness, it's just sickness.
Julia: It's all day.
Jared: In learning more about, because before I was like, yeah, you just announce after your first trimester, that's just the thing you do. I never really thought more about it, and now obviously when we were talking about when do we announce, I thought to myself, "Well, why do people wait?" She was like, "Well, because they could have a miscarriage." I'm like, "But why?" I guess I've had family members go through miscarriages, and it's this weird taboo topic where they want to talk about it, but they feel uncomfortable talking about it. They love hearing other people talk about it. The family member that went through this situation, she loved when Jade talked about her miscarriage, because it just felt...
She felt guilty, like it was her fault to an extent. It was really comforting to hear somebody else talk about it. So I'm like, I don't understand why this is a thing, but anyhow.
Julia: I agree. We write about this a lot. I think just the more we can talk about it, the better it is for everybody who goes through it. You feel less alone. Because so much of parenthood can feel very isolating, and so much of trying to conceive can feel very isolating. It doesn't need to be that way. So I applaud you. I think that's an awesome approach.
Ashley: The thing that was most interesting to me about being open about the trying to conceive process is that it took us seven months, and because I said every month, or every couple of months, "Hey, it's not happened yet," people started to think we were having trouble conceiving. You know it's at my age normal to take up to a year. It was just so interesting to be like, "You're struggling, you're struggling." I'm like, "No, I'm not." I'm not taking offense at the fact that you're saying that, but it's actually important that people know that there's a certain time frame that's normal. People feel like it's not normal, because they think the way that we go through school and sex ed and stuff, and you think once you start trying, it'll be within a matter of three months, right? Tops.
Jared: I feel like in high school sex ed, I learned if you have sex without a condom, you're getting someone pregnant. It's just certain.
Julia: Boom, you're pregnant.
Right. And then you learn about the fertile window and everything else, and you realize there's only this one period of time and month that you can actually get pregnant, and then there's only a 25 percent chance that you can get pregnant with the fertile window.
Jared: Everybody's body is different. Sometimes it happens right away. Sometimes it doesn't. I've had friends that have tried for years. It's crazy.
Ashley: So if I did anything to normalize the fact that it could take me a few months and you could be perfectly healthy and fertile, that makes me feel good, because people normally don't announce. They normally don't say, "We're starting to try now. Hit the timer." So it was just interesting to see people's feedback.
Julia: Yeah. We've done stories on parents.com that I feel like we should sort of throw away the rules when it comes to when you feel ready to announce your pregnancy. Everyone's different and you should be able to do it when you want to do it. But I mean, I remember the time when I was trying to conceive, and I was hiding it from my friends and pretending I was drinking when I was out with them and not. It's like, why was I doing that? It's so silly, when I should have been like talking to them about it. But I was in a similar boat. I think it took me about seven months to conceive once I just decided, and even though I knew that was normal, it still can sometimes feel like a really long time when you're excited for it to happen. Did it feel like that to you both?
Ashley: I started like giving myself a little bit of a timeline. I was like, "I'm going to give myself until June," and then if June comes, maybe I'll be a little bit worried or I'll be a little bit sad. But then also, every month when I would get my period, I'd be like, "Hey, you know yourself, you're going to have a miserable first trimester. So you just enjoy this month. You go have sangria on the beach."
Julia: That's very forward-thinking, so good for you. Because of course, here we are, and you probably appreciated that you knew that, had some of those sangrias before you got pregnant.
Ashley: Yes. We did start thinking about having Jared have a sperm analysis, a semen analysis, which we talked about on social media, and then the media picked it up and it was a good laugh. It was funny.
Julia: Oh my God. Trying to conceive can feel so not sexy. That's what's so hard about it. It's supposed to be this wonderful time when you're coming together with your partner to create a child, and sometimes it can just feel so not.
Ashley: Oh my God. It's been the least sexy period of my whole life.
Julia: Right? It's the time when you're supposed to be having the most fricking sex.
Ashley: Oh my God, no. Everything is disgusting right now.
Julia: So I'm sorry that you had such a rough first trimester. I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better. Can you tell us a little bit more about how the pregnancy is going and how you're feeling, emotionally as well as physically?
Ashley: Well, the baby's very healthy this far, so we're very happy about that. Yeah, it was five and a half weeks that I started getting sick, and it was pretty much eight weeks of feeling pretty miserable. It was hard during those moments to feel not grateful, but that glowing excited mom. Everybody's like, "Oh my God, I'm so over the moon for you," and you're like, "That's very sweet of you, but I literally can't think about anything except for if this food is going to come out of my mouth right now."
Ashley: That was my mental state. But now once this is lightening up a little bit, I'm having cuter thoughts, a little bit more forward thinking thoughts about the baby once it's here.
Julia: Are you going to find out the sex?
Jared: We actually know the sex of the baby.
Julia: Are you sharing?
Ashley: We're going to share, but not yet.
Julia: OK. How did you feel about it when you found out?
Jared: We were both very excited. I mean, we were just concerned about having a healthy baby, and everything seems to be healthy right now.
Julia: Yeah, good. That's all that matters.
Jared: But we told our parents and our siblings. I don't know what the protocol is, because you know how you're supposed to tell people that you're having a kid before announcing it? You're like, "Hey, just as a heads up."
Is that the same thing for the sex of the baby? Are we supposed to give heads up to people?
Ashley: I know right? Do we tell all our best friends before we put it on Instagram?
Jared: I'm not joking. I had a softball game the day after we found the sex, and they knew that I was finding out the sex before. They were like, "So what are you having?" I was like, "Can I say that? I don't even know."
Ashley: I was the same way, because one of my best friends yesterday, did she even ask? She was like, "When are you going to find out?" I told her, and I was like, "I'm sorry, I've only known for 36 hours." She was like, "You don't have to feel sorry. 36 hours? I don't care when you decide to tell me."
Julia: It's your experience, and you get to decide when you share with anybody. Don't have anyone telling you that you need to tell them at any point, in any way. It's all up to you. I think that's so important.
Jared: Yeah, we run our own lives.
Julia: Now, so you know the sex of the baby and that's very exciting. I can't wait to find out. In terms of thinking about what kind of parents you're both going to be, have you given that some thought? What kind of mom do you think you'll be, Ashley?
Ashley: I think that I'll be a little smothering, a little very nurturing, a little obsessive, a little anxious. What kind of mother am I going to be?
Jared: That's a great question. I think you're going to be extremely loving. You're going to be extremely caring. Definitely smothering, probably embarrassing, but all good things.
Julia: I love that. How about you, Jared?
Jared: I mean, I hope to be very loving and caring and supportive. I want to raise them so they can prepare for the world, and just letting them know that I'll always be there. I think that's what the type of dad I'm going to try to be.
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Julia: That's sweet. I love that. Now, are there any kind of values that you want to pass on to your child? I know that I've seen things, like Ashley, you posted to Instagram with that virginity rocks shirt. I don't know if you want to talk about that a little bit, or your feelings around that?
Jared: I mean, I think obviously we'll have a discussion, specifically you're talking about virginity, about sex, with our kid. We want to make sure that they're knowledgeable. I don't want it to be that much of a taboo subject, because I feel like that's only going to create a worse situation. I want them to feel comfortable talking about that aspect of life, because especially when you're growing up and you're going through puberty, it's going to be talked about with their friends. I want them to at least be knowledgeable of that.
I think overall in life, with values, just trying to show them empathy and sympathy and teach them kindness, and just try to spread happiness and not be negative. To go after the things you want in life and achieve your goals, and be kind to people along the way. Stick to your word and be a good person, and be a person that people can rely on, I think is important as well.
Julia: I love that. Now, the last 18 months have been just, obviously throughout the pandemic, has been tough on everybody. What was that like? How did you guys navigate the pandemic as a couple? What was it like for you? Do you think it's changed anything when it comes to your thoughts about family in general, and your priorities?
Ashley: Well, we were super blessed to be able to use that year plus to spend a lot of time with our family, because we were living in L.A. and we ended up spending I think two-thirds of the year on the east coast. We stayed with my parents for three months plus, and praise Jared during our newlywed year that he did that. I had a good time with my family. He got through it real well. But I don't really think it affected our relationship a ton. I guess I have nothing else to compare it to, because it was our first year of marriage. There are definitely some more anxious moments than you probably would've experienced in your first month. Jared was a little worried.
Jared: What, about COVID?
Jared: Yeah. I mean, I think everyone was a little worried when everything shut down, and you had no idea what the virus was. So that was a worrisome time, obviously, but that was just like a macro thing in terms of the intricacies of our relationship or our family during the pandemic and lockdown. I don't think honestly, knock on wood, a lot changed. Of course there were points of stress and boredom and figuring out, what are we going to do? How impactful is this going to be as to our overall happiness, our relationship, our financial situation? So there were a lot of question marks, but luckily we felt pretty comfortable throughout, again because we have a great support system around us with her family and my family. So we never felt alone in those times, which is extremely important, because unfortunately a lot of people did. But our relationship, I don't think it really affected it one bit, honestly.
Julia: That's great. OK. So lastly, what are your goals for your family? What are your kind of hopes and your dreams? Do you have an idea for how many kids you want or where you want to be? What are your thoughts around that in the future for your family?
Ashley: Well, we think we're probably only going to have two. We have a dream about what our house will look like. We have a great idea where the house is going to be. We're going to be in Rhode Island, probably East Greenwich, Rhode Island if we're going to be specific. I don't know, I think we just hope to emulate our childhoods with our kids and share some of our favorite things with them. It sounds really silly sometimes, but we say this all the time—there are certain movies and TV shows that I can't wait to watch with them, and hope it imprints onto them the way it did with us.
Jared: Yeah, 100 percent.
Julia: What movies and TV? I have to know what movies and TV shows.
Ashley: We're very excited to, as a kid, for them to watch Boy Meets World when they're in their pre-teens.
Julia: Oh my God.
Ashley: Yeah, Full House, and maybe I'll pull Growing Pains out of the archives.
Jared: And movies. For me specifically, of course, Star Wars, Superman, Batman.
Ashley: Well, for me, Titanic, A Walk to Remember.
Jared: We're super excited to show them the animated Disney, the old school ones.
Jared: Aladdin, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, you know. The classics.
Julia: Yes. Well that's so great. Thank you, Ashley and Jared. This has been so great to talk to you. Thank you so much for coming on We Are Family. It's been so fun and such a pleasure.
Ashley: Thank you for having us. It was fun.
Jared: Oh my God, yeah. Julia, thank you.
Julia: Thanks for listening to my conversation with Ashley Ianconetti Haibon and Jared Haibon.
Come back next week when we will be talking to the star of Mad Men, Silicon Valley, and Superstore, actor Ben Feldman who shares hilarious stories about the greatest gift his divorced parents ever gave him, how he met his wife via email, and the ridiculous blur of new fatherhood. You don't want to miss it!
Be sure to follow We Are Family on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen so you don't miss an episode. And we'd love your feedback. If you could rate this podcast and leave us a review, we'd really appreciate it. You can also find us online at parents.com/wearefamilypodcast
We are Family is presented by me, Julia Dennison, and produced by Sam Walker. Editing is by Vincent Cacchione and thanks also to the rest of our production team at Pod People, Rachel King, Matt Sav, and Danielle Roth.
We'll see you back here next week for more We Are Family!