You thought co-sleeping would be a cozy way to bond with your child. You were excited about the extra snuggle time, and you were even ready to deal with naysayers quoting the American Academy of Pediatrics' guidelines about the dangers of bed-sharing with babies—and you were probably ready to lie about it around said critics if need be! After all, whether or not parents should share a bed with their kids has been a controversial topic for years.
Still, you decided bed-sharing was the right choice for you and your little one. But nobody told you that...
1. A 15-pound child could take up more space in a bed than two full grown adults. Have fun sleeping in the crack between the bed and the wall!
2. Your baby would think of you as an open-all-night milk bar. (Where the bartender barely even wakes up.)
3. A swift kick in the ribs from a little foot is a surprisingly effective alarm clock. Also effective: An accidental slap across the face and/or a tiny finger in your nose.
4. You'd lie awake for hours debating the merits of getting out of bed to use the bathroom (and potentially waking up the baby in the process) vs. squirming in discomfort until morning.
5. Binge-watching TV in bed would require you and your partner to learn how to lip read. "Turn that down, the baby's gonna wake up!!"
6. There's nothing quite like opening your eyes in the wee hours of the morning to realize you're lying in a warm puddle courtesy of the soundly slumbering little person lying next to you.
7. Any and all romantic encounters would require a stealthy trip to the couch.
8. You are, in fact, completely capable of sleeping with a small person's head in your armpit. Not comfortably, of course, but still.
9. No matter how heavily they appear to be sleeping, toddlers will immediately sense when you're sneaking a midnight snack and sit up to demand that you share.
10. You won't just be co-sleeping with your child, you'll also be co-sleeping with an ever-expanding assortment of toys, potentially including but not limited to: plastic dinosaurs, wooden fruit, and a key chain shaped like a sneaker (you have no idea where it came from, but your kid's been carrying it around for days).
11. The average baby gets more exercise in an hour of "sleep" than the average exhausted mom gets in an hour at the gym. Tossing and turning, indeed!
12. At some point, probably after several months of co-sleeping, you will drowsily attempt to nurse your partner. (It's going to happen, trust us.)
13. Sometimes, sleeping on the floor is actually not so bad.