Ah, Target. It's the holy grail for all us suburban moms. Where else can you walk in to buy a $20 trash can and come out with $150 worth of crap that fills up two shopping carts? And if you happened to drag your kids along with you? Well, you can just go ahead and double that number.
Mom blogger Karen Alpert learned the hard way that bringing the whole fam along on a bull's eye shopping trip is the quickest way to ruin all the fun.
"Okay, so today I made a mistake. A HUGE mistake," she wrote in a recent post on Facebook. "I took my family with me to Target. Hmmmm, we have a few hours to kill. Wouldn't it be fun to go to Target together? Ennnnnh, NOT. Taking your family to Target with you is basically the perfect way to destroy that awesome inside fuzzy feeling you get when you walk past those big red glorious cement balls."
So true! And according to the Chicago-based mama, things apparently went downhill the minute she set foot inside the store with her husband Greg, 7-year-old daughter Zoey, and 4-year-old son Holden in tow.
"Both kids fought over which one of them would get to ride in the cart," she explained. "I'm like uhhh, neither of you because you are way too big and even though we're just for here for toothpaste, I'm going to fill this cart as high as it goes with tons of other s--t. So both kids decided to hop on the sides of the cart and ride it around the store because God forbid they actually walk and get some exercise. FYI, this made my cart weigh over 100 pounds and feel like a Costco cart after you decide to stock up on water and soda."
Yup. Sounds about right. Meanwhile, as punishment for disappearing to go get 7 Up for what felt like 16 hours, Karen made Greg take over the checking out duties—at self-checkout, natch! A brilliant maneuver, which I one day intend to duplicate!
"I'd like to apologize to everyone who was standing behind us in line because holy crap, watching him scan and bag the items was one of the most frustrating things I've ever watched," she revealed. "He'd scan a box. No beep. He'd try again. No beep. For the love of God, turn the item over and look for the UPC symbol!!!!"
Hilarious! And, of course, Karen ended her post with the moral we all knew was coming in one way or another: "Always lie and tell your hubby you have a doctor's appointment so he'll watch the kids while you go to Target ALONE."