My kids were away at sleepaway camp this summer, which meant my husband and I had the entire house to ourselves for seven glorious weeks. But now that they're back, it's been a struggle to carve out some Netflix and chill time, if you know what I mean. Which is why I felt an immediate sense of kinship with Reddit user Hollys_greatbigworld, who recently posed the following question on the Parenting page:
"What tricks do you use to get the kids out of the way when you want to have sex?" she asked. "My husband told our 2 boys they had to wash and detail the inside of my car and they could not come back inside the house until the job was finished and he had inspected it and approved. The boys are 11 and 14, and I felt a bit guilty but got a nice clean car and other benefits out of it. Anyone have similar strategies?"
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
I actually think the car-washing idea is brilliant. Especially because you also get a clean ride out of the deal. Still, that seems like a one-time quick fix to me. I'm in the market for more of a long-term solution.
"We send our kids to do 'quiet time' in their rooms," responded one user. "They can read a book, play quietly, or play on the iPad in their separate rooms until Mommy and Daddy come and get them."
A decent suggestion, athough one that wouldn't fly in our house. If we sent our kids to their rooms, they'd feel like we were punishing them. Next!
"Call and see if grandma will let them spend the night!" proposed another.
Hmmm. I can see how this one would work for a weekend or two before the novelty wore off. But I just can't see ever pulling this off on a school night. So I read on, stumbling upon this response from a third commenter who clearly feels my pain:
"Nothing works," he wrote. "Haven't had sex in 12 years. Pretty sure stuff has fallen off."
Hilarious! Though not at all helpful. But then I came across a pretty good option from a fourth commenter, who admitted to having sex in the closet on occasion.
"It seems completely insane," she admitted. "But it works."
If you need me tonight around 9 p.m., you know where I'll be!