Right now, my daughter is decorating me with jewelry my grandmother gave her that Phyllis Diller would pass on. She keeps asking me if I want to wear more oversized pearl strands and gaudy beaded necklaces. "Sure, honey. Thanks!" I say. When what I wish I could say is, "Honey, Mommy's going to throw this crap in the trash."
Like when your kid yells, "I'm done pooping! Come wipe my butt!"
Here's what we say: "Be right there!" But what we want to say is, "I can't wait until I'm 80 and you have to wipe my butt!" (Personally, I'm hoping I'm 95 before this happens to me.)
And what about when your kid asks you to sign his agenda for school. What you actually say is, "Sure." What you want to say is something like, "Homework is so dumb! I haven't used algebra in years!"
Or how about when your kid wants you to come play a game with them, like Pokémon, but you'd rather be an adult for two seconds and do what you want to do? What you say is, "Yeah, I'll be right there." What you want to say is more like, "I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon!"
But of course, we love our kids so we don't say those awful things. As Masony tells Parents.com, "It is hard to bite my tongue at times, but it is part of my job as a parent. That is why I love my blog, I can say these things in the comfort of my community. I also really hate Pokémon!"
What do you wish you could say to your kids?
Melissa Willets is a writer/blogger and a mom. Find her on Facebook where she chronicles her life momming under the influence. Of coffee.