If you don't already know who La Guardia Cross is, then I'm about to introduce you to your newest hero-slash-obsession.
You can thank me later.
"The very first interview I did with Amalah was at 6 weeks old," Cross writes on YouTube. "She's a 1-year-old now, 14 months to be exact. I had burning questions that needed to be answered, so I decided to open the new season of New Father Chronicles with another interview."
Here's the thing: Amalah can't say much. So Cross brilliantly exploits her inability to communicate to hilarious effect, by inserting his own captions in answer to questions like "Why don't you financially contribute to the family?" and "Where did you get that food from?"
"You've been alive for 14 months now. My question is, within all that time of experience, why do you still refuse to sleep through the night?"
As Amalah babbles incoherently and forms what looks to be the universal sign for "gun" with her thumb and pointer finger, the caption, "Why would I abandon my greatest weapon? Why would I let you rise above me? Hmm? This weapon controls you and mommy," appears on screen.
In another bit called "Toddler Intelligence Test," Cross quickly fires off this query: "What is a signal recording and playback medium developed by Sony and introduced in 1987?"
Amalah looks at her dad for a second and then cooly replies, "Uhhh... DAT?"
(Otherwise known as Digital Audio Tape.)
The trumpets sound and Cross starts clapping. "Wow! I'm impressed! Alright!"
The weirdest and best thing about this video—which has close to 500,000 views—is that the longer you watch, the more Amalah appears to actually be saying the phrases that Cross has showing up on screen.
We'll be watching for more from the New Father Chronicles!