Don't worry; potty training's not that bad. Okay, it really is. This video will give you everything you need to survive potty training (or at least, laugh about it).
Potty training. It's more or less the most intimidating stage of parenting between birth and middle school.
First, he recommends getting a training toilet and letting it sit around for a year until your toddler agrees to actually sit on it. Oh yeah, been there.
But backing up just a bit, how do you know when it's time to start the process of toilet training your child? According to this hilarious dad, it's around the time her poop starts to smell like that of a grown man. Got it?
Once you've reached this lovely milestone, Cross advises Googling a bunch of conflicting info on how to toilet train, so you can thoroughly confuse yourself. Oh, and buy a bag of bribe candy too! That's a necessity.
Next, Cross recommends locking the house, hiding all the diapers, and committing to taking your child to the bathroom every 20 minutes all day. About two minutes later, you'll probably be cleaning up pee accidents on the couch, rug and well, everywhere your child peed other than the toilet.
But when your child, by pure coincidence of course, actually goes on the potty, celebrate! Like, majorly.
Somewhere around step 14, you'll be praying to God to show mercy. By then, you've suffered through days of cleaning up accidents, and it's becoming increasingly evident that your child isn't really getting the hang of potty training.
Step 16 is the one I can relate to most after toilet training three kids. This is when you become paranoid and ask your toddler every three seconds, "Do you have to pee?" Of course, as Cross points out, "They're always going to tell you 'no.'"
The end of the video is the funniest part, because it's about how you'll feel like a total failure as a parent at some point along your potty training journey. And maybe you'll end up eating more of the bribe candy than you care to admit. But then, finally, when your little one starts actually going to the bathroom on the toilet, the sense of accomplishment and pride you'll feel is all the sweeter!
But apparently, the 22 steps seem to have worked! "No lie, potty training is COMPLETE!" Cross tells Parents.com "Once it clicked, it clicked. She'll start walking to the bathroom before even asking to go now. Phase 2 is trying this out in public places where a bathroom isn't around the corner at all times." Hopefully, it won't take another 22 steps to make public pottying happen.
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Good luck out there, parents!