They're just like those moms on the playground. Only much, much worse.
I've always been a big fan of La Guardia Cross' New Father Chronicles featuring his adorable daughter Amalah. But his latest upload—in which he gets into a hilarious Daddy v. Daddy compeition with fellow YouTuber Beleaf Melanin over which of them has the more brilliantly advanced child—is the collab we didn't even know we wanted.
The video starts off like the comment section of every parent's Facebook post—with the two exchanging niceties while passively aggressively one-upping each other.
"Uriah's doin great man," Beleaf tells La Guardia over the phone. "He's counting to 10 now, which is crazy."
"Oh wow, that's really good," Cross thoughtfully responds. Then he takes a beat and fires back: "You know, Amalah started counting to 20 like a few months ago."
And we'd have totally believed him too, if not for the subsequent clip of his little pride and joy attempting to string together a bunch of incoherent numbers:
We see you, La Guardia! Amalah's mad cute though, so we'll totally let it slide. But these two came to play, and their aggressive back-and-forth game is far from over.
So when Beleaf proudly announces that Uriah eats all his food "like a big boy," La Guardia counters with the fact that Amalah's now a vegan. When Beleaf claps back saying Uriah does all the household chores, La Guardia reveals that Amalah does, too—only she calls them "cheers" because they are something she celebrates (nice!). And when Beleaf humble-brags about being "hella impressed" by his son's ability to shape his own hair, La Guardia casually tosses out the fact that Amalah did all the Cross grocery shopping for a week.
Touche! Then things began to escalate real quick.
Uriah DJ'ed his cousin's birthday party:
But Amalah drove herself home from it:
Uriah is working on a mixtape called "Naptime Is for Suckers" that features the Chipmunks and Honey Boo Boo:
But Amalah is home studying for the Bar:
You get the idea.
Something tells me these two could have gone on with this damn charade forever, if not for their respective wives, who eventually show up offscreen to call them both out as liars.
"I can't believe you're telling all these lies," La Guardia's wife Leah scolds. "Amalah ain't even you're child."
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Tell 'em, girl! I would like a copy of that mixtape, though.
Hollee Actman Becker is a freelance writer, blogger, and mom of two who writes about parenting and pop culture. Check out her website holleeactmanbecker.com for more, and then follow her on Instagram and Twitter.