Fast-forward 13 years, however, and my kids are lucky if I even give a quick once-over to the special dress-up day flyers I find crumpled underneath the insulated lunch bags at the bottom of their backpacks.
What set this frustrated mama off, it seems, was a sheet of paper that came home from school announcing Red Ribbon Week, an alcohol- and drug-awareness campaign with the goal of keeping kids drug-free.
"That is a lie," Melissa explains, angrily balling up the offensive note. "That is not the goal. The goal is to drive moms crazy with different outfits every single day."
OMG YES. Because school dress up days are annoying AF and have zero chill.
Monday, Melissa tell us, her kids are supposed to wear red. Tuesday, it's crazy hair and crazy socks. On Wednesdays—with apologies to all the Mean Girls fans—the directive is not to wear pink, but to announce that they are "too bright for drugs" by wearing neon.
Because dressing in a fluorescent T-shirt totally prevents future drug abuse....amiright?
Still, it's Thursday's dress code—"Don't let drugs find you—wear camo"—that seems to send Melissa straight over the edge.
"The problem is that people who wear camo are not invisible," she quips. "Crack doesn't go away if you match the forest."
Watch the rest of her rant to find out what the kids are supposed to wear on Friday.