When was the last time you had to deal with a sock fire and a dead squirrel before 7 am?
Tara Wood has seven kids—SEVEN!—between the ages of 2 and 16, so her mornings tend to be far from relaxing. But what went down in her house last Friday—just a week after her poor dog was hit by a car and subsequently had to have one of his hind legs amputated—was, as the Georgia mom later described in a now-viral Facebook post, "some super f#ckery".
It all started when her 12-year-old daughter Mia smelled something burning on the way to the bus stop.
"I checked the toaster—all good," Wood wrote. "Ran upstairs to be sure none of the girls had left their hair straighteners or curling irons on—nothing there. The smell was getting stronger and stronger but none of our smoke alarms were going off and I couldn't see smoke anywhere at all. I started getting panicky so I shook Garrett awake while low key screaming 'WAKE UP SOMETHING IS ON FIRE BUT I CANT FIND WHAT IT IS AND WE'RE ALL ABOUT TO DIE I THINK!'"
When her husband failed to jump into action, Wood took matters into her own hands, running from room to room "like a mouse on meth," until she finally spotted one of her son Leo's socks smoldering and melting onto the bulb of the ceiling light fixture.
It sounds preposterous, right? But lemme tell you something—this has actually happened in my house too. On more than one occasion. I may only have two kids not seven, but all it takes is one with a solid high kick and bad aim.
Anyway, Wood saved the day by standing on a chair and co-opting one of her 2-year-old daughter Marigold's dolls to push the flaming gym sock off the bulb and onto the floor. Crisis averted.
But just as this supermom had doused the flames and finally sat down to have her first sip of coffee, she was alerted to the fact that Marigold was now outside holding a dead squirrel.
Or as Wood put it, dead as f%$k.
"Me: 'Yeah, sweetheart, I like your squirrel but can Mommy please hold him? He's, ummm...cold and I need to make him warm.'
Marigold: 'No. He sleepy time. I make him warm.'
And then she put him IN HER SHIRT, y'all."
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Oh, man. I think I would have run upstairs and locked myself in my room at this point. But Wood is way more savage than me, so she bribed her kid with a bag of Doritos and a fudge pop in order to get her to unroll the squirrel from her shirt and hand him over.
"All of this happened before 7:00 am," she explained in her post. "And that's how life reminds you that s--t can always be weirder so just, like, roll with it."
Amen, mama! Way to keep it all in perspective and find laughter among the chaos!
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