One mom's epic note to her husband about taking care of the kids while she's away for a girls' weekend is resonating with parents everywhere.
"Dearest Husband, I'm writing this to you out of love, not fear. I wanted to go over a few things with you before you embark on this weekend alone...with the others," Meghan Maza Oeser began a Facebook post that has now garnered nearly 80,000 reactions, over 60,000 shares, and more than 30,000 comments. She goes on to warn, "Nighttime, daytime, breakfast time, and somewhere around lunchtime can easily be mistaken for pure HELL, with Satan coming off as a My Little Pony in comparison."
After the Illinois mom cautions her husband not to believe the calm he is used to witnessing when he comes from work is normal, she writes simply, "Dinner will suck." Then Oeser goes on to detail how exactly their six kids—Jack, 15; Ella, 12; Hailey, 9; Harper, 7; Quinn, 5; and Penny, 3—will fight with each other, and her husband, over every last thing, from who is wearing the Elsa dress to what color the macaroni and cheese is.
"You'll want to sit down and relax after dinner/breakfast, but I'm warning you against this," this ultra-relatable mama writes. "It will get quiet...REAL quiet. This is when you'll realize that the threenager has fallen asleep somewhere. Do NOT let the threenager fall asleep. You're basically f-ed if this happens. She will be wide awake until at least 1:30am if you're not careful. Given your 9:30 bedtime and 5am wake up, this is less than ideal."
Bedtime, yeah. All Oeser can do is wish her husband luck. Of course, she adds in a few choice words, as well. "Don't even ATTEMPT anything but a nightgown for Penny," she warns. "And if you cannot find a nightgown for Penny, keep f-ing looking. She'll ask for her Minnie Mouse nightgown, but once you put it on, she'll scream in agony because the sleeves are CLEARLY ripping her f-ing arms off. Just find her Elsa one. Chances are, it's dirty as sh*t, but so what...so is she. I can't remember the last time I put soap to that one."
Oh my. It all sounds so familiar. And that's why it's so hilarious. As does this additional caution from Oeser: "You'll end up bringing Penny to bed with you, thinking that's a good idea. Ha ha ha ha ha! You may as well sleep next to Evander Holyfield on uppers." Yup! I literally cannot sleep in the same bed as my middle daughter, even if she's sicker than a dog. She flips around so much, I literally get motion sickness and want to vomit.
There are many, many more instructions for this poor dad, and they are so painfully detailed. Like how, if he allows one of the kids to use another's cup, all hell will break loose. And to let the kids pick out their own spoons for meals, which seems to be imperative if everyone is to live through the weekend.
In the end, Oeser advises her husband to drink plenty of alcohol and coffee. And she's off, for what is clearly a very well-deserved vacation!
Melissa Willets is a writer/blogger and a mom. Follow her on Twitter (@Spitupnsuburbs), where she chronicles her love of exercising and drinking coffee, but never simultaneously.