Mom Shares the Honest (and Hilarious) Things You Really Want to Say to Unsolicited Parenting Advice
"You should sleep when the baby sleeps".... the baby doesn't sleep, Susan... so what now?
We've all heard them—the annoying things people say over and over again once you've had kids. Things like "Are they all yours?" "OMG he's so big," and "Oh, I see you've got your hands full."
So passive aggressive! And yet as much as we hate to admit it, these unsolicited words of wisdom usually make us freeze up. But not Australian mom blogger Laura Mazza. The mom of a 1-year-old and 3-year-old is a total savage who just took to Facebook to share some pretty hilarious ways to shutdown busybodies spouting off self-righteous statements like "You should sleep when the baby sleeps" and "She doesn't look anything like you."
Right on, mama! Some of our fave examples include:
"'Omg he's so small!'.... Just. Like. Your. Brain."
"'Enjoy these moments, they're only little once.' Yes, Deborah, I'll wish for the moment when my son broke a vase in a store, my daughter shat her pants and it's leaking and I have grocery bags in my hand while both run in each direction and I want to scream and cry all while wishing I was invisible... absolutely will wish for those moments."
And "Was it planned?' Nope I just had sex with lots of random men and shot some babies out like cannonballs."
Can't get that visual out of your head now, can you?
The bada*$ mama then ended her post with a call-out to other parents for additions to the list, and responses in the comment section included everything from "You can't have an only child! She will grow up lonely and spoiled" and "You pierced her ears—how cruel!" to "Oh is your son/daughter not crawling/walking/speaking 3 languages/proficient in violin yet? Mine was doing that months ago!"
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So what would you guys add?