My kids, who are barely old enough to tie their own shoes or wipe themselves after using the potty, have already asked me for a dog. And my answer, predictably, was, "Hell, no."
I know they'll ask again, and maybe, possibly, down the road, I'll agree—when I feel they're old enough to handle the responsibility that comes with adding a pet to the family. Thankfully, now one father has given me a brilliant idea for when that day comes: a Family Dog Contract.
This self-proclaimed "reluctant dad" promised his kids they could get a a dog if, and only if, they agreed to the very specific terms outlined in his contract, which he posted to Reddit.
"Dad never has to pick up poop. Ever," reads clause one on the agreement. Hell, yeah!
In addition, the dog has to be small, not shed at all, or slobber or have a runny nose. And the dog can't scratch the floor, even if that means his feet must be surgically removed.
"Dad never has to give the dog a bath," reads another clause. If the dog makes a mess in the house, using cleaners containing harmful chemicals cannot be ruled out. In addition, the canine will not receive a special diet of organic—and presumable expensive—food. "All parties agree that plain old dog food is fine."
Other stipulations of the contract include that the pet not be included on the family Christmas card (yes, totally obnoxious, I agree), and that the kids promise not to get bored of the dog. In other words, they can't stop taking care of it when the novelty wears off.
It seems all four of this dad's kids agreed to his terms, because they all signed the contract. Here's hoping they are enjoying their new best friend... and still abiding by the many rules specified heretofore.
What would your kids have to agree to in order to get a dog?
Melissa Willets is a writer/blogger and a mom. Follow her on Twitter (@Spitupnsuburbs), where she chronicles her love of exercising and drinking coffee, but never simultaneously.