girl playing with barbie

Today is National Barbie Day, and that got us thinking: Becoming a parent has never been something poor Barb could check off her bucket list. Despite her long relationship with Ken and dozens of Bridal Barbies, the two never officially tied the knot and Babs has remained childless. (An out-of-wedlock baby probably would not fit with her image, after all.) But what if Barbie did become a mom? Oh, that version of the plastic fantastic doll would be mighty different from the gal we've come to know and love, don't you think?

So, without further ado, based on our personal experiences with motherhood and extensive scientific research (ahem, not really), here's what we think "Mom Barbie" would be like.

10. She'd be wearing yoga pants, obvi. Probably Lululemon.

9. Her permagrin would be replaced with a permayawn.

8. Her feet would be covered in blisters from chasing around a toddler in stilettos because her feet are only shaped to wear high heels. (Bet she regrets agreeing to that!)

7. After planning to go back to work as a veterinarian-pilot-rockstar-nurse-aerobics-instructor after maternity leave, she'd realize she only really has time for one of the bazillion careers she's tried—and even just one job is challenging.

6. She'd come with her own bags ... under her eyes. Her typically glowing complexion would be replaced with some serious dark circles.

5. We don't even want to think about what would replace her smooth nether regions.

4. Her hair would automatically come in a ponytail that could never, ever be undone.

3. Her hot pink convertible would be traded in for a minivan.

2. Optional accessory: Paternity test. Of course, the father is good ol' Ken, right? Well, don't forget about Barbie's two-year romp with Aussie boogie boarder Blaine while she and Ken were "on a break."

1. She'd be blissfully happy, despite it all, because being a parent is the best thing ever.

Ellen Sturm Niz is a New York City-based editor and writer who is really good at brushing Barbie's hair, according to her eight-year-old daughter. Follow her on Twitter and Pinterest.

Image via Shutterstock