Okay, parents. Take a break from filling your kids' Easter eggs and watch this video. Now.
It's a hilarious take on the viral "surprise egg" videos your children may have viewed on YouTube like glazed-over robots. Except this time, the eggs are for mom.
If the Easter Bunny brought a basket for us, this video made by, um, "Nobody Likes a Cockblock" on Facebook nails what might be inside.
"These are just for grown ups," warns the well-manicured mom who is going to reveal the contents of these Play-Doh covered Easter eggs.
The first egg is purple, and reminders our foul-mouthed tour guide of her nipples after breastfeeding. "We're going to crack this buddy open like a C-section," she quips, opening the egg, and finding chocolate inside! Perfect for eating alone (while crying) in the bathroom when your 3-year-old won't potty train.
The next egg reveals...vodka! A clear liquor, "ideal for PTA or PTO" because no one can tell you're drinking it!
Our fearless narrator can't quite get into the next blue and yellow egg. "This one's harder to get into than a mom-of-three's pants!" she quips. Oh, man. Dying over here. And what do we have? A little bottle of Jack Daniel's, which is "technically a whole grain," we are told, since it's made from wheat and barley. Perfect for those parents on a Paleo kick.
An at-home pregnancy test is inside the next egg. "Perfect if you've been getting a little sloppy," my new favorite person reports. And some jelly beans to eat while you panic. "Good looking out, Easter Bunny!"
The final eggs contain big surprises! I won't ruin them. But they are bound to make bedtime stories fly by!
Best Easter ever!
What do you want the Easter Bunny to bring you this year?
Melissa Willets is a writer/blogger and a mom. Follow her on Twitter (@Spitupnsuburbs), where she chronicles her love of exercising and drinking coffee, but never simultaneously.