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Finally! The Perfect Wine Pairings to Get You Through Your Kids' Homework

The Holderness Family is back with homework wine pairings and we will totally drink to that!

math wine pairing The Holderness Family/YouTube
I have always loved the Holderness Family for their hilarious and insightful take on everything from helicopter parenting to the morning struggle. But thanks to their latest parody video, Homework Wine Pairings, my obsession with this crew has reached an entirely new level.

You see, I am one of THOSE moms. The kind who won't even ATTEMPT to sit down and help my daughter with her honors math homework until I've poured myself a nice, generous serving of vino. I realize that may sound like a humble brag. But it's actually a confession from someone who has been known to schlep her kids to the wine store at 5 p.m. on a school night when she suddenly realizes her supply has run dry.

Go ahead and judge away. But unless you remember what a segment bisector is and can effortlessly recite the difference between SSS and SAS Similarity Theorems, you should probably stop rolling your eyes.

Anyway, I've always been a Chard girl at heart—which is good news, because that's exactly what Mama Holderness recommends for taking a stab at math probs. But while I generally tend to stick to my chilled California white while barreling (pun intended) through the rest of my kids' subjects, it turns out I've been neglecting some pretty stellar pairings.

"For grammar, let's take a trip to France for a nice Bordeaux," Papa H advises, taking a big swig from his goblet and then swishing the liquid gold around in his mouth. "Smoky and firm. Firm, like my fists, which I clench in fury as my daughter Googles 'What is a pronoun?'"

Been there!

"For science, try a Cabernet," his teetotaling partner chimes in. "It's complex—like this packet on cloud formation that her teacher just sent home. And dense, like me trying to explain it to her."

#Twinning!

Which is why, when Mrs. H then explains that she breaks out the hard stuff when it comes time to tackle an actual science project, we are 1,000 percent on board.

"For that, we go straight vodka," she says. "I don't think I need to explain myself."

Word.

Hollee Actman Becker is a freelance writer, blogger, and a mom. Check out her website holleeactmanbecker.com for more, and then follow her on Twitter at @holleewoodworld.