It was about five years ago when my son first got invited to be part of a fantasy football league. Intrigued, I sat next to him at the computer during the days leading up to the big draft and watched as he made lists of all the players and positions and stats, then set up a bunch of mock drafts in order to practice his strategy for building a season-winning team.
I'm not gonna lie, I was fascinated by the whole process, despite knowing little to nothing at the time about the actual game of football. But researching the players, analyzing the match-ups and setting the perfect line-up? That was totally something I could get on board with, and it wasn't long before I was totally hooked. Which is why I found myself nodding in solidarity at mom blogger Carey Reilly's recent Facebook rant about how she loses her husband to Fantasy Football every fall—even though in my own family, it's not my man who goes AWOL, it's me.
"We're at my son's soccer game and he's got his head in his phone," she begins. "He's got the laptop open, he's working on it. What is so distracting to you? It's fantasy. He was creating a pretend dream team."
So relatable. I had about four screens going on my own draft day a few weeks back—including a phone set to Matthew Berry's Twitter stream—and a desk covered in papers that I maniacally crossed players' names off of with each passing round. When my daughter waltzed into the room at one point to ask me a question, I didn't even look up.
"Not now!" I screamed. "It's the fifth round and I'm ON DECK!"
Am I proud of my response? Not really. But I did end up getting Tom Brady so at least there's that. Although his disappointing performance in Week 1—a measly 10.6 points, really?!—was probably some kind of karmic retribution for my equally disappointing performance as a mom on draft day. I'm sure my daughter would find some comfort in that if you asked her.
But back to Reilly for a minute. Because after she snarkily dismisses fantasy football as being "like Dungeons and Dragons for men," she decides that if you can't beat them, it's probably time join them by changing up the lineup and building a dream team of her own.
"You know what my drafted fantasy team would look like?" she explains. "We'd have a cleaning lady—TWO! Let's have TWO cleaning ladies—this is a fantasy team! I would like a chef, tutor for the children, I would have a driver, 2 nannies... then I kinda just want somebody to fold my clothes. I would pay to have somebody to fold my clothes."
I have to admit, I think Reilly may actually be onto something here. Because I would totally pay to have someone fold my clothes. I'd probably even consider trading Brady for that luxury.
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But don't worry guys, I've got Carson Wentz on back up.