Dad's Post-Kid-Puking Texts to Mom Are So Awful They're Funny
I'll never forget the scarring incident when my daughter puked all over her car seat in a bank parking lot. Shudder. Years later, I'm still suffering from PTPCD, otherwise known at post-traumatic puke-in-the-car disorder.
That's why I so relate to the poor dad who had to deal with an epic amount of car seat puke recently. It seems I'm not alone, as he decided to share a text chain he sent his wife afterwards, and it has since gone viral.
"So this just happened," dad Ben Patterson texted his wife Stephanie, who had gone out with friends, along with a photo of his son covered in barf while strapped into his car seat. "I just pulled over and am trying not to throw up myself."
No answer from Stephanie.
Then, unfortunately, while cleaning up Declan, Ben got sick himself. "It smells SO BAD," the desperate father writes.
Still, no answer from Mom.
The urgent pleas for help continue:
The situation deteriorated from there. "Aaaand now the cops showed up."
Soon Ben is subjected to a breathalyzer test; because puke.
"YOU OWE ME SO BIG," another text warns.
"WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER," another text demands, followed by, "ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!!!"
We don't know if Stephanie was just ignoring the texts, or maybe she legitimately didn't see them. But I'm guessing she wasn't too surprised daddy duty turned into such an epic fail on all levels. Because let's face it: kid puke in mom world is pretty bad, but we get through it, even if we are scarred for life. In dad world, kid puke ends in a near arrest. That being said, kid puke in general is terrible, no doubt. I feel for you, Ben.
Melissa Willets is a writer/blogger and a mom. Follow her on Twitter (@Spitupnsuburbs), where she chronicles her love of exercising and drinking coffee, but never simultaneously.