Everything Kids

Chardonnay Go Is the App None of Us Moms Knew We Wanted

While Pokémon Go is taking over our kids, one mom wishes for a more adult version of the game.

chardonnay go Dena Blizzard/Facebook
I'll be honest, my kids are away at camp for the summer so I haven't really been paying much attention to the whole Pokémon Go thing. But from what I can gather from my Facebook newsfeed, it's basically a game with a social component that uses your phone's GPS to get you to travel around to a bunch of real-world places like restaurants and parks and stuff, in hot pursuit of all the Pokémon.

Or something like that.

Oh and apparently it's also caused a bunch of minor accidents, led three teenagers in a black BMW to try and commit armed robbery, and helped a horrified teenage girl discover a dead body.

Cool! But the thing is, I'm kind of enjoying my kid-free summer and I've pretty much got zero interest in leaving the house to go schlep around town to meet other people and chase things. After all, I'm four episodes into my "Bloodline" binge, and the new season of "Real Housewives of New Jersey" just started!

In fact, the only thing that could get me off the couch would be the sudden realization that I've somehow managed to run out of wine.

Enter comedian Dena Blizzard, and her awesome Pokémon parody for all of us vino-swilling mamas.

"So everybody's talking about a new about called Pokémon Go where kids can go around and find Pokémon," she begins in her spoof video. "But did you know there's an app for moms called Chardonnay Go, where you can actually find glasses of Chardonnay all over your neighborhood?!"


Blizzard then starts running through her 'hood like a lunatic—or, you know, a thirsty mama jonsesing for her fix. She breaks into houses, knocks a bunch of people over, and then convinces a friend to drive her around, all in the name of unearthing a gleaming piece of stemware filled to the rim with Chard.

"This app is amazing," she gushes. "It literally tells you where glasses of Chardonnay are!"

You don't have to convince me, Dena! Now, who can we talk to that can make this thing a reality?

Hollee Actman Becker is a freelance writer, blogger, and a mom. Check out her website holleeactmanbecker.com for more, and then follow her on Twitter @holleewoodworld.