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  6. 14 Temper Tantrum Tricks from Real Parents

14 Temper Tantrum Tricks from Real Parents

By Linda DiProperzio Updated May 27, 2020
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Toddler Temper Tantrum Sitting On Floor
Credit: Petrychenko Anto/Shutterstock
We gathered advice from real parents on how they maneuver around their child's meltdowns. Whether you're dealing with 2-, 3-, or 4-year-old tantrums, their tricks might work for you.
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Try a Time-Out

Little girl pulling her pigtails and sticking out her tongue
Credit: Shutterstock

"When my 16-month-old is acting out, I put her in a chair and hold her there with my hand on her abdomen. When a child that young has a meltdown, they often don't know how to pull themselves together. So I just hold her there and tell her to breathe deeply. We stay there until she calms down and I can talk to her about what happened."

- Michelle LaRowe, Hyannis, Massachusetts

  • RELATED: A Parent’s Guide to Temper Tantrums

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Give Her a Squeeze

mom and son hugging
Credit: MoMo Productions/Getty Images

"It sounds crazy, but sometimes when dealing with 4-year-old tantrums, I give my daughter big hugs. It works almost every time—if I can control my own temper and anger to remember to give her a big squeeze. I guess it makes her feel safe and reminds her about how much I love her. Normally, after a big hug, we can talk more rationally and address what started the tantrum in the first place."

- Chris Harbison, West Islip, New York

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Look the Other Way

toddler temper tantrum
Credit: Marcel Jancovic/Shutterstock

"With my 2-year-old, I basically just ignore her when she drops to the floor in a tantrum. She stops when she doesn't get attention or what she wants. When she stomps her feet and screams when she is frustrated, I ask her to calm down and try to use her words. So far this is working."

- Alison Shields, Fair Lawn, New Jersey

  • RELATED: How to Prevent Temper Tantrums

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Offer an Alternative

Toddler Tantrum on Hardwood Floor

"My 21-month-old gets frustrated when he is not allowed to do everything his 5-year-old brother does. When he is really upset he will start banging his head against the floor. At first I was really alarmed by this. I started giving him a pillow, which many times only made him more upset. The one thing that seemed to work was saying, 'I know you are frustrated. Are you done hitting your head? When you are we can go read a book.' Eventually the idea of doing something else got him to stop."

- Heather Martin, Franklin, Massachusetts

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Never Give In

angry toddler boy
Credit: Sarah Noda/shutterstock.com

"If my 4-year-old acts out because he wants a cookie, then there is just no way he is going to get a cookie. And if he continues with that type of behavior, then he'll start losing other things as well. Now he realizes that tantrums and meltdowns are not going to get him anywhere, so he just doesn't have them."

- Tanya Mitchell, Monument, Colorado

  • RELATED: How to Deal With Temper Tantrums

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Give Him an Ultimatum

Choosing a Safe Family Car
Credit: sirtravelalot/Shutterstock

"When my 3-year-old acts up, I remind him of something fun we have planned—like a playdate or a trip to the park—and then I let him know that if he can't handle it and behave, then we'll have to cancel the outing. That usually gets him to calm down pretty quickly."

- Tina Bryson, Los Angeles, California

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Keep Him Busy

Mom Shaming Tantrum While Shopping
Credit: Aleph-studio/Shutterstock

"I don't want to worry about my 5-year-old acting out at the store, so I make sure to continuously engage him with activities and create tasks for him: Bring me this, look for that, hold this for a second, identify the color of a sign, watch the lobsters in their aquarium, and so forth. His little mind is so busy trying to help and catch up that he has no time to think about throwing a fit."

-Barack Levin, Atlanta, Georgia

  • RELATED: How to Discipline a Toddler

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Find the Fun

Little Miss Temper Tantrum

"Backing my 6-year-old into a corner and demanding he do what I need him to do just doesn't work—and it usually results in a tantrum. But I have found that he can be easily redirected. So when he starts to whine or throw a fit about doing something, I turn that activity into a game. If I can find some way to make it fun, then he's on board."

- Kelly Lopez, Framingham, Massachusetts

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Change the Location

crying baby boy blue background
Credit: ZdorovKirillVladimirovich/Shutterstock.com

When my 3-year-old is having a tantrum, I pick him up and bring him into another room, even if it's to put him in his crib for a time-out. But removing him from whatever started the meltdown usually helps to stop it. And picking him up and holding him also offers some comfort to help him calm down."

- Carrie Henick, Smithtown, New York

  • RELATED: How to Handle Aggressive Toddler Behavior

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Encourage Gestures

African American Toddler Happy Girl Orange Polka Dots
Credit: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

"My 22-month-old throws tantrums that can last up to—yikes!—20 minutes. We've taught her some words in sign language, but if she wants something like a movie, she won't know how to ask for it— and still freaks out. So I say, 'Show me what you want,' and then I see if she'll point to it. It's not always obvious, but with a little time and practice you begin to communicate better. If she points to her older brother, for example, that usually means that he's snatched something away from her, and I can ask him to give it back. I can't tell you how many awful, drawn-out meltdowns we've avoided this way!"

- Melanie Pelosi, West Windsor, New Jersey

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Use Distractions

toddler crying, too small to fail
Credit: Tanya Little/Shutterstock

"My purse is filled with all sorts of distractions, like toys (ones my kids haven't seen in a while), books, and yummy snacks. I've found that distraction can help ward off a major meltdown before it happens, if you catch it in time."

- Alisa Fitzgerald, Boxford, Massachusetts

  • RELATED: The 3 Best Behavior Charts for Kids of All Ages

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Let Her See

Toddler Upset Picky Eater
Credit: mamaza/Shutterstock

"My 3-year-old daughter has a fit over the littlest thing. If I don't give her what she wants, she'll scream 'Oh my God!' and throw herself onto the floor. I send her to her room to calm down, and while she's there she watches herself in the mirror. After about five minutes of seeing herself in action, the temper tantrum ends."

- Valerie, Syracuse, New York

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Act Silly

toddler tantrums are a good thing
Credit: Kamelia Ilieva/Shutterstock

"When my 4-year-old starts to throw a tantrum at home, I often start singing a silly song at the top of my lungs. It immediately grabs her attention, and she starts laughing and singing along. It's a great way to turn lemons into lemonade!"

- Maresa, Lake City, Arkansas

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Count Down

5 Steps to a Better Time-Out still

"When my son, Aiden, decides to throw one of his tantrums, I take action immediately. First, I explain what he is doing wrong. Maintaining eye contact is key. Then he sits in a time-out without television or music, and we count to 26 (his age in months). I picked up this idea from a good friend of mine. It allows me to address my son's tantrum while also teaching him how to count. If he's still upset after counting to 26, we start counting again."

-Susan, Colfax, Wisconsin

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    1 of 14 Try a Time-Out
    2 of 14 Give Her a Squeeze
    3 of 14 Look the Other Way
    4 of 14 Offer an Alternative
    5 of 14 Never Give In
    6 of 14 Give Him an Ultimatum
    7 of 14 Keep Him Busy
    8 of 14 Find the Fun
    9 of 14 Change the Location
    10 of 14 Encourage Gestures
    11 of 14 Use Distractions
    12 of 14 Let Her See
    13 of 14 Act Silly
    14 of 14 Count Down

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