Tori Roloff Reveals She Suffered a Miscarriage: 'I've Never Felt So Sad'
Tori Roloff has suffered a miscarriage.
The Little People, Big World star shared the heartbreaking news on Saturday, alongside a cross-stich that showed her and husband Zach with daughter Lilah Ray, 15 months, and son Jackson Kyle, 3½, beside a rendering of Jesus holding the baby they lost. Underneath the artwork sat a positive pregnancy test.
"We were so excited when we found out we were expecting baby #3, and we couldn't wait to share," Tori wrote. "We went in for our first ultrasound at 8 weeks and found out that we lost our sweet baby two weeks earlier."
"I've honestly never felt loss like I did in that moment," she continued. "I've never felt so sad, angry, and scared in a single moment. I had no symptoms of losing [our] sweet angel baby and nothing could have prepared me for hearing our sweet baby was gone."
But Tori also said she "thought about how the first face our little girl or boy got to see was Jesus. I'm so upset that I never got to see their face but I rest in knowing he or she is with our savior and I will meet them one day."
"My husband has been my unwavering rock through this whole journey. He has been by my side through it all and I couldn't have done it without him," she continued. "If there is any silver lining here it's the realization of how truly blessed we are. We have two happy healthy thriving kids, and I know that's not afforded to everyone. We have two kids who we have to snuggle and love on every day."
"Parents should never know the heartbreak of losing a child," she wrote. "I pray that we can all find peace that our babies are waiting for us in heaven and we will meet one day. I post this in hopes that it will touch just one mama and let them know you're not alone."
The reality star concluded by explaining she was driven to share her own story "in hopes that it will touch just one mama and let them know you're not alone," and also "selfishly as a form of healing for myself."
"I felt as though I needed to acknowledge our sweet angel baby so I could go on sharing my babies here with me. So that's what I'll continue to do — thanking the Lord for what I have," she wrote.
Zach and Tori have been open about their parenting struggles over the years, from unexpected toddler messes to Tori's body changes and even Lilah's health scare last year, which was chronicled on her parents' TLC show.
In an episode that aired in October, the couple revealed their baby girl had previously been diagnosed with influenza and respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) after a hydrocephalus scare.
Lilah tested positive for influenza and RSV, which was a relief to her mom, as she didn't have hydrocephalus. But that relief only went so far, as Zach "almost died from RSV" when he was a baby, and the couple was told by Lilah's doctor to make sure they monitor her condition.
The following week, Tori opened up about the "guilt" she was feeling for her children, "especially" her daughter. "We've had some pretty rough stuff hit our house the last two months and I struggle with having to attend doctors or medical appointments alone [amid the coronavirus pandemic]," she wrote on Instagram. "Without my teammate by my side. I struggle sharing my life when sometimes it doesn't feel authentic because our world is so upside down and backwards right now."
"Im sharing this only in hopes that someone reads it and doesn't feel alone. We're not alone. I get that," the reality star continued. "I thank the Lord every single day that my family is here and healthy. Maybe I'm sharing also to not feel alone. Some days can feel so clouded by what's truth and whats fear. My truth is God and because God is with me I will not be afraid. But I can still vent about it on Instagram right?"
This story originally appeared on people.com