She kept two separate journals: good and bad.

By Emily Weaver
July 16, 2021
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Gigi Hadid Zayn Malik

When it comes to pregnancy and motherhood, first-time mom Gigi Hadid holds nothing back. Since the arrival of her 10-month-old daughter, Khai, the supermodel has gradually opened up more and more about her journey to motherhood. This week as Harper's Bazaar's most recent cover girl, she's discussing anxiety and pregnancy and more specially, how an old habit of hers rescued her from her intrusive thoughts.

"During my pregnancy, I had one journal that I called my good journal and one journal that I called my bad journal. They weren't that literal, but one was more for the memories, for Khai," Hadid told the magazine in her July 14th cover story. 

The "bad journal" as she nicknamed it was for the days her anxiety crept in, causing her to doubt whether or not she was truly cut out for motherhood. "[It was for my] anxieties and days where I felt like, 'Am I good enough to be a mom?'" she continued.  "I didn't want to feel guilty about feeling those things or writing those things down."

So why not house everything in one place? "I just liked the separation," she explained, adding, "Maybe one day I'll give her [Khai] the bad journal just to be real about it." 

When it comes to penning her thoughts, all scratch paper is fair game: "I write on the back of receipts and keep those in a notebook. I'm not particular about it, and my journals are everywhere around the house. I just pick up whichever one is closest to me and write." Hadid noted that her sketch pads are often doodled with random thoughts as well.

Sitting, thinking, and writing is the mom's preferred way of dealing with her thoughts and emotions, a hobby she picked up way before quarantine. Having an outlet for her anxiety already set into place made all the difference for her while carrying Khai.

This story originally appeared on hellogiggles.com