What to do when your friends hear about your pregnancy through the grapevine.
Q: I'm pregnant and haven't really gone public yet, though I've told a few people. A friend whom I haven't spoken to lately called up, very upset, because she heard from another friend that I was expecting. Her feelings were hurt that she was getting the news secondhand. I apologized but can tell she's still feeling left out. What should I do?
Assuming you explained to your friend that you, too, were upset and would have much preferred that she'd gotten the news directly (when you were ready), then maybe there's something else that's going on here. Because, really, you didn't do anything wrong, and a true friend wouldn't freak out over her position on your speed dial. She'd get over it and be happy for you.
Clearly, your buddy is ultra-sensitive and, since you haven't talked lately, is it possible this incident struck a nerve? Maybe she's been bothered for a while by your lack of contact but didn't know how to bring it up.
In any case, if you really care about this friendship, try sending a note reiterating how you would have loved to tell her yourself. Then make an effort to keep in touch. Update her on other developments -- sonogram, first kick, name selection -- and put her on the first-round calling list when you deliver. Hopefully, a repaired and renewed relationship will arrive with your baby.
Julie Mazer, a mother of three, lives in Short Hills, New Jersey.
Originally published in American Baby magazine, August 2004.