It's not always easy to hide your pregnancy from family and friends (especially when you're the only one not ordering a drink!). But here are a few fun tips to help keep your pregnancy under wraps until you're ready to let everyone know.

By Beth Newell and Jackie Ann Ruiz
February 04, 2020
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There are many reasons to keep a pregnancy quiet. Maybe you’re trying not to jeopardize a promotion. Maybe you don’t want to experience a miscarriage publicly. Or maybe you’re just not in the mood for everyone’s tales of morning sickness.

Whatever the reason, here are some ideas on how to appear not pregnant when you’re constantly nauseous and blatantly sober.

Illustration by Sarina Finkelstein; Getty Images (1)

Tell People You're Sick

A  sick  person  has  every  excuse  to  look  nauseous and not drink. It’s not contagious anymore, so you came out tonight in order to be interrogated about being visibly miserable!

Tell People You're Doing a Dry January and February and March

Sometimes the only way to convince people you’re not pregnant is to act like you actually have a drinking problem.

Say You're Trying a Weird New Diet

This  will  explain  not  only  your  crankiness  but also why you’re mostly just eating crackers and vitamins. The latest dieting trend is bread. You heard it on NPR.

Tell Everyone You're Sick Again

“You sure have been sick a lot lately,” people will say. “Yes, that’s right,” you’ll say. “It’s just one of those summers.”

Never Go Anywhere

Simply  avoid  bars,  restaurants,  parties,  and  basically  everywhere  your  friends  are  hanging out and having fun. You may feel horribly isolated,  but  you’ll  avoid  someone  asking,  “Wait,  why  aren’t  you  drinking?  Oh my god, are  you  pregnant?!”  while  you  do  a  terrible  job of looking astounded by that question.

Order a Mocktail and Act Like You're Drunk Already

This is apparently what everyone needs from you in order to relax?

If all else fails, and everyone does start asking, “Wait, are you pregnant?” Tell them, “Yes, but please don’t tell anyone! It’s still a secret.” Everyone in the room will know, but at least Marissa will stop asking you why you won’t have “just one glass” of wine.

Excerpted from There’s No Manual: Honest, Gory Wisdom About Having a Baby by Beth Newell and Jackie Ann Ruiz with permission of Avery, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © Beth Newell and Jackie Ann Ruiz, 2020.

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