Between out-of-control pregnancy hormones and breathless (literally) anticipation over baby's arrival, let's just say you'd be wise to be careful about what you say to a woman in her third trimester. Specifically, you may want to avoid uttering any of the these "gems" of advice and observations that are guaranteed to elicit tears, or worse.
Because it's so easy to sleep at this point in my pregnancy, when I'm as big as a house and have to pee every 14 seconds.
Look, this baby has to come out one way or another, and I may already be more or less terrified. But I can pretend like that story about suffering through a 92-hour labor isn't going to make me go home and cry.
ANY MORE? I haven't even had this one!
What was your first clue? Maybe it was the waddle that gave it away? Or was it the profuse sweating? These freak-show boobs? Being as wide as you are tall also makes pregnancy truly hard to disguise.
Why are you spreading false hope? WHY?!? That's just cruel.
First of all, you asked what I was having. Then you seemed put off when I shared it is another girl. Good thing I'm over-the-moon about it! Hey, while you're at it, don't forget to ask about my plans to go for that boy, something I'm totally focused on just weeks ahead of this delivery! (Not.)
Step away from the pregnant lady and no one gets hurt!
Well, no, actually. I still have two months to go. Hold on while I jump off this bridge.
I'm the one who is pregnant and can assure everyone that their perceptions of how slowly or quickly it progressed does not mirror mine.
Then why don't I feel remotely cute? Maybe you didn't see my swollen feet and acne. And of course there's no way you could have known that I haven't shaved my bikini area since last month, or that my stretch marks are starting to change from a subtle pink color to a searing purple hue. Sigh.
Pretty sure one day I'll agree.... But it sure isn't today!
Look, it's pretty hard to say the right thing to a woman in her third trimester. The best you can probably do: "I feel your pain!"
Melissa Willets is a writer/blogger and a mom. Find her on Facebook where she chronicles her life momming under the influence. Of coffee.