Why One Mom Is Telling Everyone to Stop Asking Couples When They Are Having Kids

"We are just enjoying being newly married" may not be the whole truth.  

Any newly married couple has definitely been asked the question, "When are you going to have a child?" You may even be guilty of asking someone that yourself. Yes, the perpetrator is most likely an innocent family member or friend who is being a tad nosey but blogger Adele Barbaro is bringing awareness to why people should think twice before posing that popular question. 

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"Trying to conceive isn't easy unless you are a highly fertile 17 year old, that could fall pregnant just by talking about it. The odds of conception and retaining a pregnancy are actually pretty shit, topped off with the huge amount of people that are reproductively challenged with polycystic ovaries, endometriosis etc etc. And I was one of them...." Barbaro wrote on Facebook. 

Barbaro continues on to tell the story of her struggles with IVF, and how she couldn't help but feel like everyone around her was getting pregnant except her. She recalls feeling the "time consuming, invasive, expensive and emotionally painful roller coaster" that nearly broke her spirits throughout her journey to conceive. 

Barbaro explains in her post the moment when her forced responses to that dreaded question changed from, "we are just enjoying being newly married, we have some travelling we want to do first, I'm just focusing on my career right now " to an irritable "it's not that f****ing easy, you know." Barbaro exposes how that generic "enjoying married life" response is not always the case— getting pregnant is not always a cake walk

Thankfully Barbaro did get pregnant, but in telling her story, Barbaro is spreading awareness for those who are struggling to have a child. 

"Many couples will be trying for years. And some may never succeed and my heart goes out to them. And what about the couple that doesn't want kids? Or the couple that had a child but can't afford to have another? Or those that have lost little ones? Even though we went through IVF and had such a struggle to have our Harvey, soon after we were asked... 'so when are you having number two'? And now that I have two wonderful children and I feel our family is pretty complete, the question still comes...." Barbaro finishes her thought with, "So, next time you go to say that 'throw away' comment to the newly weds or the couple that have been together for ten years, be sensitive. Don't ask them when they are having kids. You never know what's going on."

Thank you Barbaro for speaking up in a way that many women feel they can't. 

Parents Magazine

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