When I was pregnant with my son, my water broke in the middle of the night while my husband and I were sound asleep. After realizing what had happened, we quickly grabbed our stuff, hopped in the car, and made a mad dash for the hospital. Or so I thought. Because in between the contractions that had begun to rock my world, I suddenly looked up and registered the fact that even though it was 3 o'clock in the morning, the road was deserted, and I was, you know, IN LABOR, my husband had stopped the car at a red light.
"What the @#$* are you doing?!" I screamed. "Just GOOOOO!"
True story. And one we laugh about now. But at the time I wanted to kill him. Which is why I can totally feel the pain of the expectant mama yelling at her husband on their way to the hospital in this hilarious birth story video from producer Tommee Profitt and his wife Angela.
The inventive couple went viral back in 2012 with their on-point pregnancy parody set to the tune of LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It" (Waddle waddle waddle waddle waddle yeah!) This time around, they've co-opted the Chainsmokers (featuring Halsey) hit single "Closer."
"I was looking for a popular song that was out now that would make a good parody," Profitt explained to us, just minutes after arriving home from the hospital with the couple's new addition: son Avery Thomas. "That line of the original song, 'so baby hold me closer in the backseat of your rover' gave me an entire slew of ideas! So I based the song around that situation...that frantic drive to the hospital."
Which means we're now privy to such priceless lyrics as:
"You drive as slow as the day I met you/I'm about to give birth in here, and it might stain. Hey! Don't play that Blink-182 song/I will beat you to death in Kentwood, okay?"
BAHAHA. So relatable!
"My water broke apart/Move! Grab the keys! Jump in the car and/Four miles, no stops/Speed like a demon cause it's not that far/And I-I-I might pop/Yeah, I-I-I might pop."
It's catchy, right? If only they'd rented an actual Range Rover to shoot this thing—though I guess "the baby's gettin' closer in the backseat of your Explorer," does have a certain ring to it.
"My contraction time is shorter/And the head's starting to show. We are just around the corner/I hope we don't get pulled over. (I hope we don't get pulled over)."
Meanwhile, Profitt tells us that when baby Avery finally made his REAL arrival a week later, the event was decidedly more low-key.
"My wife's water actually broke, but she was really calm, no contractions," he explained. "We calmly drove to the hospital, stopped for coffees, and walked in."
Hold up. So there was no police escort? No charlie horse? No awesome McDonald's parfait?
We're just gonna pretend we didn't hear that, okay?