The reality star, who suffered a miscarriage 5 months ago, is sharing her ideas for keeping her son's spirit alive with her readers.
It's been five months since Jamie Otis and her husband Doug Hehner lost their unborn son Jonathan Edward to a miscarriage. And yesterday, on what would have been his due date, the reality star honored her little angel's memory with a moving tribute on Instagram.
I was SO excited when I was pregnant. I've wanted to be a mommy for a very long time. I couldn't wait for my "baby bump" to get bigger and bigger. Today I'm suppose to have a sweet, full-term baby boy. He's supposed to put me in labor and scream when he comes out. His daddy and I would hold him close and let him know that everything's going to be ok. We'd kiss him and rock him in order to soothe all the pain and fear away. ....sometimes I still ask God, "Why??" I often wonder if I hadn't eaten this or lifted that maybe he'd still be safe? I know it's probably nothing I did, but It just breaks my heart knowing that his sweet little soul didn't get a chance at life. Johnathan Edward is our angel baby who's been watching over us because he was born too early. I will spend my life honoring him & loving him. ...I've come up with a few ways to cherish our angels -young & old - in heaven & I blogged about them today.👼🏼 Please, if you have any more ideas let me know. Link is in my bio. "Gone but never forgotten." #miscarriage #angel #pregnancyloss #infantloss #angelbaby #mommyofanangel @doughehner
"Today I'm suppose to have a sweet, full-term baby boy," she explained in the caption of her post, which features a collage of ultrasound pics and images from the couple's baby announcement. "He's supposed to put me in labor and scream when he comes out. His daddy and I would hold him close and let him know that everything's going to be OK. We'd kiss him and rock him in order to soothe all the pain and fear away...sometimes I still ask God, "Why??""
So sad. But even though she's clearly still grieving, the Married at First Sight alum has vowed to spend her life honoring her little boy—and she's opening up to her fans about it as a way to help other women who are suffering.
"There are a few things my hubby and I decided to make a tradition as our way of honoring our sweet first born son," she explained in a recent blog post. "I found a few really great ideas and I want to share with you in case you're going through a loss (or went through a loss) and would like to incorporate these for your angel baby."
Her ideas—curated with the help of other "angel baby mamas"—include planting a tree in the baby's honor, hanging a photo ornament on the Christmas tree every year to keep the baby's spirit present, giving a Christmas gift to a needy child who is around the same age, and donating a "Mommy of an Angel" necklace (which she designed) to the hospital for nurses to give to another woman suffering from loss.
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Jamie also took a moment to thank her readers for sharing their ideas and stories with her. "You make me feel so understood and cared about," she wrote. "It takes that lonely feeling and replaces it with love.... The holidays are SO TOUGH when you're going through a loss. While everyone is saying 'It's the most wonderful time of the year' you are crying yourself to sleep. I get it. You're not alone and you're not 'crazy' either. Be gentle on yourself. I am sending YOU so much LOVE."
And we are sending it right back to her.
Hollee Actman Becker is a freelance writer, blogger, and mom of two who writes about parenting and pop culture. Check out her website holleeactmanbecker.com for more, and then follow her on Instagram and Twitter.