An Open Letter to Beyonce From a Fellow Twin Mom
Beyonce, you don't know me, but we have a lot in common. We both embrace our blond curls, we both love an island vacation, and we are united in fearing no print, pattern, or rhinestone. We're roughly (ahem, give or take) the same age, and your music punctuated my formative years; I bet it did the very same for you, amirite?! And now that you've announced your twin pregnancy, that gives us one more thing in common: I too am the mother of twins.
My kids are two years old now, but I remember my 2014 pregnancy well. How could I forget it? Let's just say "Survivor" applied appropriately to the experience. So did "Bootylicious," but perhaps not exactly in the way Destiny's Child intended it.
Those months were pretty harrowing for me. I had a great partner who helped out a lot (still do, thank god), and fortunately I didn't encounter any of the real debilitating afflictions common among multiples moms: no bedrest or serious prematurity to contend with here.
But girl, I was big. Like, using a motorized cart to get around Target from week 32 onward big, because walking became simply too challenging. I'm guessing you won't be subject to such indignities—at least not in public—because people shop for you.
But given that you're expecting multiples, and that you already carried one pregnancy, you might expect that goddess belly of yours to keep growing and growing. When it does, I hope you'll rock it proudly. Don't hide, but get out there in front of the paps and show them what a real queen looks like: a sexy, stunning, proud woman whose current superpower is making two humans from scratch.
If you do get big, and you do get body shamed—yes, people turn on pregnant celebs, even the most glamorous ones—use your platform to keep it way real. Resist the cash engines and the patriarchy behind that whole nonsense, which is so false and so damaging to women of the world, whether or not they choose to procreate. Don't be polite when you speak on it. Please?
Speaking of public platforms, you'd make my entire life if you got on board with this: We all know that women's bodies change following pregnancy, and it's extra common to experience certain changes when you carry more than one person in your belly at a time. Specifically, I'm talking about a separation of the abdominal muscles known as diastasis recti, which is common among multiples moms but rarely discussed—and can be an ego crusher for some of us with the condition. If you get it—or even if you don't—will you talk about it? Even if you get surgery to repair it (zero judgement), will you educate the media so they can in turn drop the knowledge on real moms? Let's you and I—as similar as we are, Bey—do our part to banish the tired old "body back after baby in 10 minutes flat" fallacy. And by "fallacy" I mean a slew of stronger words not fit to publish here.
In all likelihood, you will have a night doula (or several), because you are a busy professional woman of means. I too am a busy professional woman, and benefited from some help in the home at night in order to have critical-thinking skills during the day. I was bashful about it at that time—Internet haters will make you second-guess yourself—but it was help I budgeted for, and was glad to have access to. Having help doesn't make you "unfit to be a mom" as people in the pathetic depths of tragic comment threads told me (like you, I have a high profile on the Internet)—and let's just agree to call those people what they are: haters.
Indeed, it takes a damn village, especially when multiples are in the mix. Accept help from the loving, trustworthy, dependable people who are willing to provide it. You will soon be well outnumbered by your kids, and there is longstanding tradition as well as a beauty—yes, as well as a necessity—in having a tribe around to offer help and multiple perspectives.
Beyonce, you and I are fearless, flawless, "Independent Women." We are capable, proud, professional, and accomplished moms. Going-it-alone guilt is a waste of our time. Matter of fact, parenting guilt of any kind is a no-go in my world. Use your intuition, make choices with love—for your kids and yourself—and do you.
Last, Bey, I'm here to let you in on something about the club you're about to join, alongside me. There is nothing more special than twins. Your babes are currently cozying up to each other lovingly inside your belly right now. They will doze similarly entwined after they come out. Later, they will have their own language, verbal and non. They will be best friends for life (naturally, along with you and big sister Blue, but theirs will always be unique). They are magic. You'll be Crazy in Love from the very first cry.
Congratulations—and good luck!