Amy Schumer's Birth Plan Is Better Than Yours

It involves sea turtles and a mountaintop in Tibet...can you top that?

The excitement's been building ever since comedian Amy Schumer posted a mirror selfie while rocking a pregnancy prosthetic on Instagram back in February with the caption, "What to expect."

She wasn't preggers, of course. She even tossed a few bottles of Jameson and Patron, and a cup of Starby's coffee into the shot to drive home the point. Because duh.

fake preggers

We'd be lying if we said the whole thing didn't get us pretty stoked about the possibility of this faux belly—and maybe that bada*s BOSS trucker hat over there on the right—showing up in some kind of pregnancy sketch on her show "Inside Any Schumer" somewhere down the road.

And now four months later, we finally have the promo.

In it, three holier-than-thou preggo types (oh hai, Mena Suvari!) sit around discussing their preferred perfect birth methods while sipping water with lemon and trying to passive-aggressively one-up each other.

"My midwife suggested a sea turtle birth," the first one begins. "It's when you give birth on a beach, and you dig a small hole, and you kick sand on the baby, and you see if it crawls into the ocean or into your arms. It's better for the baby."

"You know, I would be careful with a midwife," a serene-looking Schumer—clad in milkmaid braids and a drab oatmeal-colored cardigan—responds. "Even though they're not technically doctors, they still have some medical training. And I just don't trust Western medicine at this point—that's why I'm having my baby on the highest mountaintop in Tibet, as far from real medical help as is humanly possible. My doula's a Sherpa."

"My doula is a three-month-old baby," another mama fires back. "So she like gets it."

Oooh, burn!

Hollee Actman Becker is a freelance writer, blogger, and a mom. Check out her website holleeactmanbecker.com for more, and then follow her on twitter at @holleewoodworld.

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