Skip to content

Top Navigation

Parents Parents
  • GETTING PREGNANT
  • PREGNANCY
  • BABY NAMES
  • BABY
  • TODDLER
  • BIG KID
  • FUN
  • HEALTH
  • PARENTING
  • FOOD
  • HOLIDAY
  • News & Trends
  • Raising the Future
  • OUR MAGAZINES
  • Podcasts
  • Kindred
  • MORE

Profile Menu

Join Now

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
My Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
Login
Pin FB

Explore Parents

Parents Parents
  • Explore

    Explore

    • 22 Chore Ideas for Every Type of Kid

      22 Chore Ideas for Every Type of Kid

      Find a chore your kid loves to do, and start a habit of wanting to help out that'll last a lifetime. Read More Next
    • Top 5 Mom Friend Problems—And How to Fix Them

      Top 5 Mom Friend Problems—And How to Fix Them

      Parenting is so much easier with good pals. Learn to overcome friendship hurdles and bond with women who get you. Read More Next
    • How to Sleep Train Toddlers and Big Kids

      How to Sleep Train Toddlers and Big Kids

      Do you struggle to put your kiddo to bed—or keep them there? Read on to find out how to sleep train toddlers, preschoolers, and big kids. Read More Next
  • GETTING PREGNANT

    GETTING PREGNANT

    See All GETTING PREGNANT
    Your Chances of Getting Pregnant, During Every Phase of Your Cycle

    Your Chances of Getting Pregnant, During Every Phase of Your Cycle

    When sex coincides with your most fertile days, your chances of getting pregnant increase. Get to know each phase of your cycle to help you conceive (or avoid) a pregnancy.
    • Ovulation
    • Reproductive Age
    • Maximizing Your Fertility
    • Pre-Pregnancy Health
    • Trying to Conceive
    • Dealing With Infertility
    • Genetics
  • PREGNANCY

    PREGNANCY

    See All PREGNANCY
    9 Signs That Labor Is Approaching

    9 Signs That Labor Is Approaching

    Anxiously awaiting your baby’s arrival? Learn to recognize the signs of approaching labor, which signal that your little one might make an appearance soon.
    • Signs of Pregnancy
    • Pregnancy Week-by-Week
    • Giving Birth
    • Labor & Delivery
    • Pregnancy Symptoms
    • Due Date Calculator
    • Pregnancy Complications
    • Fetal Development
    • Gender Prediction
    • Baby Showers
  • BABY NAMES

    BABY NAMES

    See All BABY NAMES
    These Baby Names Are Predicted to Be Popular in 2022

    These Baby Names Are Predicted to Be Popular in 2022

    From Bridgerton to travel destinations, learn what's inspiring the baby name trends of 2022.
    • Baby Girl Names
    • Most Popular Names
    • Names by Origin
    • Twin Names
    • Baby Boy Names
    • Names by Religion
    • Celebrity Baby Names
  • BABY

    BABY

    See All BABY
    How to Decode Your Baby's Cough

    How to Decode Your Baby's Cough

    Caring for a baby with a wet or dry cough? Listen for wheezing, hacking, or barking first, then read on to find out what's normal and when it's time to worry.
    • Newborn Care
    • Crying Baby
    • Health
    • Baby Development
    • Safety
    • Gear
    • Breastfeeding
    • Diapers
    • Sleep Issues
    • Feeding
    • Nursery
  • TODDLER

    TODDLER

    See All TODDLER
    • Preschool Activities
    • Behavior & Discipline
    • Toddler Development
    • Milestones
    • Potty Training
    • Starting School
    • Health
    • Safety
    • Childcare
  • BIG KID

    BIG KID

    See All BIG KID
    How to Deal With Bullies: A Guide for Parents

    How to Deal With Bullies: A Guide for Parents

    Mean kids aren't just a middle-school problem. The trouble has trickled to the youngest grades. Learn how to spot it—and how to protect children of all ages from bullies at school.
    • Education
    • Health
    • Food & Nutrition
    • Bullying & School Problems
    • Child Development
    • Safety
    • Manners & Responsibility
  • FUN

    FUN

    See All FUN
    17 Budget-Friendly Kids' Birthday Party Ideas

    17 Budget-Friendly Kids' Birthday Party Ideas

    A fun celebration doesn't need to cost a pretty penny. Throw a memorable bash with these clever cost-cutting kids' birthday party ideas.
    • Birthdays
    • Indoor Activities
    • Outdoor Activities
    • Arts & Crafts
    • Printable Coloring Pages
    • Kids' Entertainment
    • Best Toys
    • Holidays
    • Family Vacation Ideas
  • HEALTH

    HEALTH

    See All HEALTH
    All About Coronavirus COVID-19: A Concerned Parent's Guide

    All About Coronavirus COVID-19: A Concerned Parent's Guide

    Here’s everything you need to know about the disease that originated in Wuhan, China.
    • ADD & ADHD
    • Allergies
    • Autism
    • Cold & Flu
    • Coronavirus and COVID-19
    • Cough
    • Down Syndrome
    • Emergency Aid
    • Fever
    • Medication & Vitamins
    • Obesity
    • Rashes
    • Stomach Aches
    • Vaccines
  • PARENTING

    PARENTING

    See All PARENTING
    The Stay at Home Guide for Parents

    The Stay at Home Guide for Parents

    Everything you need to thrive at home as a family.
    • Positive Parenting
    • Parenting Style
    • Celebrity Parents
    • Family Dynamics
    • Divorce
    • Home
    • Adoption
    • Just for Mom
    • Money
    • Toy Recalls
    • Stroller Recalls
    • Moms Run the World
    • The Stay at Home Guide
  • FOOD

    FOOD

    See All FOOD
    • Family Recipes
    • Baby Food
    • Toddler Finger Food Recipes
    • Hints & Tips
    • Healthy Eating
    • Birthdays
    • Holiday Recipes
    • Quick & Easy Meals
    • Food For Pregnant Women
  • HOLIDAY

    HOLIDAY

    See All HOLIDAY
    44 Fun Valentine's Day Crafts for Kids, Preschoolers, and Toddlers

    44 Fun Valentine's Day Crafts for Kids, Preschoolers, and Toddlers

    Spend an afternoon making these Valentine's Day cards, decorations, and edible projects. Bonus: Each one can double as a homemade gift for someone special!
    • Christmas
    • New Year's
    • Valentine's Day
    • Easter
    • Mother's Day
    • Memorial Day
    • Father's Day
    • 4th of July
    • Halloween
    • Thanksgiving
    • Hanukkah
  • News & Trends
  • Raising the Future
  • OUR MAGAZINES

    OUR MAGAZINES

    See All OUR MAGAZINES
    • Parents
    • Parents Latina
    • Ser Padres
  • Podcasts

    Podcasts

    • We Are Family Podcast
    • That New Mom Life Podcast
    • Pregnancy Confidential Podcast
  • Kindred
  • MORE

    MORE

    • Newsletters
    • Contests
    • #ParentsIRL
    • Adulting
    • First Year Playbook
    • Celebrate Your Way

Profile Menu

Join Now

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
My Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
Login
Sweepstakes

Follow Us

  1. Home
  2. Pregnancy
  3. Considering a Baby
  4. Are We Ready
  5. 11 Ways to Childproof Your Relationship BEFORE Getting Pregnant

11 Ways to Childproof Your Relationship BEFORE Getting Pregnant

By K. Aleisha Fetters June 03, 2014
Skip gallery slides
Pin
p_101676017.jpg
Babies change everything. Here's how to make sure they change your love life for better, not worse.
Start Slideshow

1 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message
Young couple kissing in bed
Credit: Lisa B./Getty Images

Most parents tell you that having children is the best thing that ever happened to them. But that doesn't mean it's the best thing that ever happened to their marriage. Ninety percent of married couples report their relationship satisfaction declines once they have their first baby, according to an eight-year study from the University of Denver.

"Having children is like relationship boot camp," says Ian Kerner, a sex and relationship counselor and author. "Despite what other parents have experienced with their children, you don't have any idea what's really in store for you until you've lived it," says Sarah Ambler, mother of two.

Although you can't truly understand what it's like to be a parent until you become one, you can take steps to keep your future offspring from hurting your relationship now. In fact, when you have a strong relationship, sharing a baby can sometimes bring you closer together, says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., clinical professor at the Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons and author of Sex and the Baby Years. Learn how to be lovers, even once you take on the roles of mommy and daddy.

1 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement

2 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Be Selfish

couple on beach

"When there's a toddler or baby about, your priority is its well-being," Ambler says. But because babies have so many needs, it's easy to start neglecting your own. To truly meet your baby's needs, though, you have to meet yours first, Kerner says. Why? "It takes happy parents to raise a happy baby." So don't feel guilty about snagging some "me time" or stealing away with your partner for a weekend. It might feel selfish at first, but it's actually just about the most generous thing you can do.

2 of 13

3 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Just Do It

woman kissing man

Even though you're getting ready to spend plenty of time baby-making, studies suggest that less than one in four couples are satisfied with their post-baby sex lives. After Baby arrives, you'll have plenty of reasons not to have sex (tired, achy, busy), but you have a much better reason to have sex: Without frequent sex, your brain's levels of oxytocin (the so-called "feel-good" hormone) can drop, making you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner, Hutcherson says. So make sure you have a healthy sex life pre-baby, and don't be afraid to discuss what may come post-pregnancy.

If you're not feeling sexy after going through labor and delivery, just touching, cuddling, and kissing will help you feel close again. "You may not end up having sex, but you have to be intimate in one way or another," Kerner says. "You kind of have to put body through the motions and trust that mind will follow."

3 of 13

Advertisement

4 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Pregnancy Sex Tips: Have Fun Sex and Get Pregnant

4 of 13

5 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Take Charge

Happy couple with baby
Credit: Alexandra Grablewski

There are only so many hours in the day, and with babies requiring so many, you may find yourself structuring your days around your little one. But instead of scheduling your life around Baby, you should try to schedule her life around yours, Kerner says. Your baby will adapt more easily than you think, and your relationship will stop getting pushed from the calendar.

5 of 13

6 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Ask for Help

grandparents with baby
Credit: Veer

Parents are more depressed than non-parents, according to a 2006 study of 13,000 people. But it's not Baby's fault, and it's not a good reason to forgo starting a family. The researchers believe parents feel stressed because they don't get as much help at home as they did in previous generations. Do you have parents eagerly awaiting grandchildren? A niece hoping to pocket 10 bucks for babysitting? Before you take the leap into parenthood, think about who will be there to help you tackle the challenge.

6 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

7 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Claim the Bedroom

family in bed
Credit: Fancy Photography/ Veer

Having a poopy diaper in your room -- or bed -- is a major mood-killer. So before you sign up for months of co-sleeping, consider the advantages of giving your baby his own room with a baby monitor. Many parents don't think to discuss the ins and outs of co-sleeping before having a child, but the decision could cause relationship troubles later.

And as your child ages, you'll need to make it clear that he sleeps in his bed, and you in yours. Once you draw that line, it's easier for everyone. Still worried about getting caught canoodling? Put a lock on your bedroom door to prevent toddlers from walking in and you from fretting, Hutcherson says.

7 of 13

8 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Say "Thank You"

Happy couple
Credit: Veer

"Children help you realize just how hard the other person works, especially when the other one is away or ill," says dad Eric Ambler. Show your appreciation. A few kind words, a helping hand, or even just a text can go a long way toward making you both feel valued. And you don't have to wait until you become parents to say "thank you" to each other; get in the habit now.

8 of 13

9 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Be Vain

woman's pedicure toes
Credit: Kirill Zdorov

Chances are, you have a long to-do list, and even if spinning classes and salt scrubs top your list now, once you have kids they'll likely fall to the bottom. But when you like what you see in the mirror, you end up liking just about everything else in your life that much more. What makes you feel better about your body and yourself? Take the time to check them off your list, Hutcherson says. You'll be happier, nicer, and a whole lot more eager to cross sex off of your marital bliss list, too.

9 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

10 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Trying to Conceive: 5 Little Signs You're Ovulating

10 of 13

11 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Date Again

Date night
Credit: iStockphoto

"Date nights are a must," Hutcherson says. This advice may sound silly when you're still a child-free couple, but after the baby comes along, "many couples don't ever go out for the first year or year and a half, which can be really damaging to a relationship," Kerner says. Once you have a family, you have to work harder to make time for yourselves as a couple. Movie night on the couch after Baby falls asleep can be a perfect night in, but also make sure you get out regularly. Doing so, especially just the two of you, will help keep you happy when you do have stay home with your little one.

11 of 13

12 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Have Some Choreplay

happy pregnant couple
Credit: Juice Images/Veer

On average, when couples have children, women's housework increases three times as much as men's does, according to a study published in Social Forces. So it's no surprise that studies also show women with partners who contribute to housework and child care are happier than those without help. But get this: They are more into sex, too. Interested? Start dividing up your current chore list now, and be sure to assign equal portions of diaper duty (or whatever chores have you stressed) later. When you aren't freaking out about all the stuff that needs to get done, it's a lot easier to be a good partner.

12 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

13 of 13

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

Beat the Baby Blues

African American woman holding baby

That bundle of joy can come with some tears, too, and being aware of possible mood changes now can help you prepare for any relationship rockiness. Nine months after a child's birth, 24 percent of mothers and 20 percent of fathers have mild symptoms of depression, according to a study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. Some parents also experience symptoms of postpartum disorder, such as sadness, fatigue, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, irritability, and changes in sleeping and eating patterns, all of which can wreck havoc on a relationship. If you find yourself experiencing any of these symptoms (besides fatigue -- that's natural), call your doc right away.

13 of 13

Replay gallery

Share the Gallery

Pinterest Facebook

Up Next

By K. Aleisha Fetters

    Share the Gallery

    Pinterest Facebook
    Trending Videos
    Advertisement
    Skip slide summaries

    Everything in This Slideshow

    Advertisement

    View All

    1 of 13
    2 of 13 Be Selfish
    3 of 13 Just Do It
    4 of 13 Pregnancy Sex Tips: Have Fun Sex and Get Pregnant
    5 of 13 Take Charge
    6 of 13 Ask for Help
    7 of 13 Claim the Bedroom
    8 of 13 Say "Thank You"
    9 of 13 Be Vain
    10 of 13 Trying to Conceive: 5 Little Signs You're Ovulating
    11 of 13 Date Again
    12 of 13 Have Some Choreplay
    13 of 13 Beat the Baby Blues

    Share & More

    Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message
    Parents

    Magazines & More

    Learn More

    • About Us
    • Customer Service this link opens in a new tab
    • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
    • Advertise this link opens in a new tab
    • Content Licensing this link opens in a new tab
    • From Our Sponsors this link opens in a new tab
    • Affiliate Program this link opens in a new tab
    • Accolades this link opens in a new tab

    Connect

    Follow Us
    Subscribe to Our Newsletter
    Sign Up
    MeredithParents.com is part of the Parents Network. © Copyright 2022 Meredith Corporation. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policythis link opens in a new tab Terms of Servicethis link opens in a new tab Ad Choicesthis link opens in a new tab California Do Not Sellthis link opens a modal window Web Accessibilitythis link opens in a new tab
    © Copyright Parents. All rights reserved. Printed from https://www.parents.com

    Sign in

    View image

    11 Ways to Childproof Your Relationship BEFORE Getting Pregnant
    this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines.