How do I support my wife's uncertainty about having a second child?
Q: I love my wife and I know that she loves me back equally. We have a son (5) who started kindergarten this year. We talked on several occasions about trying for another baby for a year, but we gave up because of relationship matters that have now been worked out. But during the year we tried for a baby, my wife had three miscarriages and became quite discouraged. The problem is: now I feel as though something is missing in our lives, but she is very unsure about a second child What should we do?
A: How wonderful that you were able to work through your relationship issues. All relationships go through ups and downs and it's only the mature couples that can weather the storms. This success should buttress you in future times of crisis and give you confidence that you can resolve current issues.
I am sorry to hear your wife has gone through three miscarriages. That is a lot of emotional and physical stress and it's understandable that she wants to take a break from trying to conceive. It's important to consult with her gynecologist and decide the best option. You can consider fertility-enhancing options, adoption, and remaining with one child. Depending on your ages, you may consider taking some time off to recover and enjoy the family you have already created and then revisit the issue later. If you continue to have differences in your desires, speaking with a third party such as a concerned family member, religious figure, or therapist can help you two come to an agreement. I wish you the best in your marriage and your journey with parenting.
Answered by Dr. Eva Ritvo