One minute it's clear skies and open road, with you and your partner cruising that pathway to parenthood in a shiny convertible. The next, your car bottoms out and you're suddenly swallowed up by a dark sinkhole neither of you saw coming.
That's what it has felt like each time my husband and I have received the devastating news that my pregnancy was no longer viable. Sadly, we've had to deal with it several times, in several ways—reclined on an exam table at a routine ultrasound appointment, seated before our somber-faced doctor during an office visit, huddled over a cell phone with a grave voice on speaker—and it never gets any easier.
With their personal worlds crumbling down, the last thing a couple needs is to lose each other. In my usual driven-to-try-again way, I was halted in my tracks one day by my husband's admission that he still was not over the miscarriage before last. I had no idea! I felt that I bore the brunt of the physical and emotional turmoil after each loss, so it was easy to overlook the fact that my husband was grieving too, albeit in a different way. He and I may not always walk in step, but looking back at our trials with recurrent pregnancy loss, I find that these 10 rules are the constants—the beacons that show us the way out of the darkness, hand in hand.
Debbie Rigaud is an author of Young Adult fiction. She and her husband welcomed a baby girl in early 2014, and life as they knew it has (thankfully) never been the same. Follow her on Twitter: @debbierigaud.