If you feel like nothing in your life is normal during this extended time of social-distancing, you are not alone. Comedy Duo Don't Call Me Mommy looks at all the ways life has changed, so we can laugh through it together.

By Samantha Gutstadt and Haely White
May 11, 2020
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Don't Call Me Mommy

We see you, parents. We see you and we are along on this crazy ride with you. The last few weeks have been anything but normal in our homes, are we right? Here are some of the ways life is nothing like the way we knew it before.

1.  You’re a full-time homeschool teacher (congrats!).

School is in session and suddenly you are in charge of teaching things like math and coding. Driving carpool and being soccer/baseball/karate mom suddenly seem like a cakewalk. Now all together, let’s take one big, deep breath. In for 1, 2, 3 and out 1, 2, 3. 

No wonder we feel crazy! Someone decided NOW would be a good time to change everything we’ve ever known about how math works. There’s no carrying the one, so much technology we don’t understand, and our kids want their old teachers back—whoops. Can you picture that first post-quarantine school drop off? Ya...fantasize about that for a little. A few months can’t ruin them that much. Right? RIGHT? 

2. You’re on Zoom all effing day.

Remember when you had that one Zoom call a week and never even fully downloaded the app? Now it’s like you log in, unearth links for each class, happy hour, and work meeting. Don't even get me started on all of the passwords, why are they always expired?! Then you have to find cool backgrounds for both you and your kids and teach them how to mute and use gallery view while you do your best not to walk through with no clothes on by accident. GOOD MORNING, class! 

It’s okay to admit that there’s a mixed bag of emotions with this new, completely virtual life. Sure, it’s super weird to see your friends on a screen 24/7 but it sure as hell beats not seeing them at all. Just think of the people during the Spanish Flu who got the news days later. Wait, did they even have news?! Nope, not going to spin out on that now. Fine, it’s safe to say technology is getting us through, but that can’t help us from craving real humans. 

*Insert: scream into the nearest pillow.

3. Your sanitization skills now rival a surgeon.

And your dad said you could never be a doctor! Suck on this, DAD: *Grabs two-foot-long tongs to access the Amazon box, carefully slices it open with gloves intact, then ever-so-delicately pulls out eight perfect canisters of alcohol-free wipes. Not gonna lie, may have missed my life’s calling. 

4. You’ve let yourself go.

Is it that we’ve let ourselves go, or realize that professionals have handled our maintenance for so long we no longer possess the skills to do anything by ourselves. Our nails shouldn’t take 18 different steps and an electric jackhammer to get the job done! But now it’s come to this, and here we are shopping for press-on nails from Instagram ads. T-minus two weeks until we know what everyone’s real hair color is. BRACE YO’SELF.

5. You hide away in corners of your house you barely knew existed.

Alone time is now The Most Coveted Thing and no matter how bizarre your hiding place may be (a dark closet in the guest room) they will find you. So we have no option but to get creative and weirder as the weeks creep on. 

6. You and your partner’s relationship has reached new highs...and lows.

The fun of being quarantined as a couple is that you really get to see what they do during a day. For us, it’s our husbands on important work calls while we prance around in wigs making questionable TikTok videos. There are no secrets anymore. 

Two words: Facetime Therapy. It’s so nice to have another person to bounce things off of and remind yourself that you have not lost your mind. But when the sound of your partner’s breathing makes you irate, we can all admit it’s time for a getaway with your girls. 

Upsides include all meals together, movie nights, nature walks, sprinkler parties, and simple joys. And maybe we never want that to change.

7.  You’re finally getting used to this new normal, and aren’t sure how you’ll acclimate once this is over.

It’s like coming back from the island on Lost. How does one acclimate to going back to real life after we’ve been living this anti-social, over-sterilized surreal existence? What will dinner at a restaurant feel like, or nights out at a bar, a concert, sports game, or airplane ride? We realize we kind of like slowing down and living in sweats and messy buns. Maybe we can take these lessons into life 2.0. We’ll likely get back on with our busy lives but hold these memories tight because even we know these moments are rare and fleeting. 

8. Making mom friends might look a little different.

Let’s be real, when you become a new mom, you probably joined a group or connected with new moms, which was crucial to have in order to survive life as a mom. No matter what stage we are at, connecting with others in the trenches is our lifeline. And now it all feels so different. 

And that’s why Don’t Call Me Mommy and Parents created a show where you can meet your mom “bestie” right from the comfort of your bedroom! PSYCH. We didn’t do that; we’re exhausted! But did we create a parody of Love Is Blind with four entertaining moms in the trenches. Enjoy. 

Don’t Call Me Mommy is a content creation and digital influencer team comprised of Samantha Gutstadt and Haely White. Together, they’ve created the first scripted series on FabFitFun (Sorta Awesome Mom Hacks), a hit series, Sh*t No One Told You (Mom.me), and a few original series for Parents.com including their new series shot completely in quarantine called Friendship is Blind, in addition to comedic content for brands and social media content. Combining their backgrounds in advertising, production, comedy, and social, Don’t Call Me Mommy is a one-stop-shop for content creation. Watch their comedy at www.dcmm.tv. Follow them at @dontcallmemommy on IG and Facebook for some laughter and community. 

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