9 Parenting Apps We Wish Existed

We’d happily exceed our monthly data usage if someone would just invent these apps already.

Parenting Apps We Wish Someone Would Invent

Tantrum Timer

Tantrum Timer App Luci Gutiérrez

Has it really been 45 minutes of face-down, snot-sniveling agony in the doorway because you had the nerve to suggest the “wrong shoes,” or does it just feel that way? No need to hyperbolize to your boss when you have a time stamp.

Name That Goop

Name That Goop App Luci Gutiérrez

Can’t identify the stain on your couch? Use this high-tech photo-recognition software to settle it once and for all. Poop or chocolate? Mystery no more! 

Kinder-Tinder

Kinder-Tinder App Luci Gutiérrez

Guarantee playdate success by swiping right. 

Urgent Care GO

Urgent Care GO App Luci Gutiérrez

Boasting the latest in augmented reality and geo-tracking technology, Urgent Care GO shows you locations where your children will probably hurt themselves and then directs you to the nearest emergency-care center!

Time-Hop Block

Time-Hop Block App Luci Gutiérrez

For blocking Facebook’s attempts to remind you what you looked like seven years ago when you were single and well dressed. 

Abstinence Helper (Regret-Me-Not)

Abstinence Helper Regret Me Not App Luci Gutiérrez

When your phone senses that you and your partner are about to be intimate, Abstinence Helper plays a recording of your children scream-fighting over Minecraft until the urge passes.

InstaShower

InstaShower App Luci Gutiérrez

Various filters and visual effects will show the world what you’d look like if you’d actually been able to bathe that day. Glamorous! 

Uber-Baby

Uber Baby App Luci Gutiérrez

A team of drivers is just a click away! Let them drive your screaming baby around until he falls asleep at 2 a.m. All Uber-Baby cars come equipped with car seats, top-rated safety features, and a white-noise app hardwired into the sound system.

What’s THAT?

What’s THAT App Luci Gutiérrez

Tired of answering the same question 90 billion times? What’s THAT will answer your toddler’s incessant questioning for you with a variety of appropriate stock answers, such as:

  1. A lamppost
  2. Some kind of big truck
  3. What do you think it is?
  4. A train? A dog? I don’t know.