We’d happily exceed our monthly data usage if someone would just invent these apps already.

Tantrum Timer App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez

Tantrum Timer

Has it really been 45 minutes of face-down, snot-sniveling agony in the doorway because you had the nerve to suggest the “wrong shoes,” or does it just feel that way? No need to hyperbolize to your boss when you have a time stamp.

Name That Goop App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez

Name That Goop

Can’t identify the stain on your couch? Use this high-tech photo-recognition software to settle it once and for all. Poop or chocolate? Mystery no more!

Kinder-Tinder App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez


Guarantee playdate success by swiping right.

Urgent Care GO App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez

Urgent Care GO

Boasting the latest in augmented reality and geo-tracking technology, Urgent Care GO shows you locations where your children will probably hurt themselves and then directs you to the nearest emergency-care center!

Time-Hop Block App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez

Time-Hop Block

For blocking Facebook’s attempts to remind you what you looked like seven years ago when you were single and well dressed.

Abstinence Helper Regret Me Not App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez

Abstinence Helper (Regret-Me-Not)

When your phone senses that you and your partner are about to be intimate, Abstinence Helper plays a recording of your children scream-fighting over Minecraft until the urge passes.

InstaShower App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez


Various filters and visual effects will show the world what you’d look like if you’d actually been able to bathe that day. Glamorous!

Uber Baby App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez


A team of drivers is just a click away! Let them drive your screaming baby around until he falls asleep at 2 a.m. All Uber-Baby cars come equipped with car seats, top-rated safety features, and a white-noise app hardwired into the sound system.

What’s THAT App
Credit: Luci Gutiérrez

What’s THAT?

Tired of answering the same question 90 billion times? What’s THAT will answer your toddler’s incessant questioning for you with a variety of appropriate stock answers, such as:

  1. A lamppost
  2. Some kind of big truck
  3. What do you think it is?
  4. A train? A dog? I don’t know.

Parents Magazine