8 Tricks for Having More Sex After Kids

Communication, connection, and carving out alone time can help you prioritize sex after kids.

New parents navigate a lot when they have a new baby—you're running on little sleep, feeding a baby around the clock, and trying to figure out what makes your baby happy and fussy. Those major adjustments mean it's not always easy to make time for love, let alone time to feel sexy.

But rest assured, every new parent goes through this transition, and you're not alone. Learning some ways to increase communication, connection, and alone time can help you cultivate a mood more conducive to intimacy—even with the addition of a new baby.

Remember: Great sex doesn't just happen. It takes effort and creativity to reignite your physical relationship. Read on for eight tips for having more sex after kids.

Couple Laying On Carpet With Cherries
Stephanie Rausser

Set a Reminder

Bringing a calendar into your sex life might sound like a real mood killer. But you can't always rely on spontaneous desire—or the time to act on it. So instead, help yourself get in the mood by scheduling sex.

It might not seem like it, but scheduling sex can help build anticipation. So, decide what works for both of you at the moment, and set up an event.

You might even be playful and send each other meeting invites with just an emoji, like a red heart or a smiling purple devil. Only the two of you will know the "code."


If you've recently given birth, your post-baby sex drive may be naturally low because of intense hormonal changes, physical recovery, and lack of sleep. But, even if you're an adoptive parent, or your partner or a surrogate gave birth, you still are adjusting to a lot of changes that can leave you feeling physically and emotionally depleted.

Communicating is critical at this time. Some things you may want to talk with your partner about include:

  • Your feelings about returning to intimacy
  • Any fears or worries you have regarding sex after kids
  • Setting expectations for when and how you'd like to have sex

Be open with your partner if you feel uneasy about getting intimate again. For example, you can say, "I'm not sure how this part will feel," and then get through it together.

Open and honest communication can be just the thing to help both of you feel more comfortable navigating these new waters together. Chances are, you're both having a bit of trepidation!

Build Connection

Think about how many routines you and your partner move through in a day, almost without thinking. Perhaps you yell goodbye from across the room or give a passing peck on the cheek when one of you leaves for work. Or maybe you wake and roll groggily out of bed without saying a proper good morning.

There are dozens of ways partners interact with each other that could be modified to cultivate connection with more intention throughout the day. Here are some ideas:

  • Leave each other short love notes.
  • Pause and offer a meaningful hug when saying goodbye.
  • Stop while doing something mundane to tell your partner you love them.
  • Tell your partner something you appreciate about them.
  • Offer a short shoulder rub or head massage while watching TV.
  • Before getting out of bed, roll over and say, "Good morning."

These small gestures may seem like no big deal, but they can shake up the mundane and offer small opportunities to connect and rekindle that intimacy.

Try Different Kinds of Sex

It's not unusual for people who have recently given birth to have worries about penetrative sex. It's understandable, considering your body may still be recovering, and it's hard to know what sensations will feel like.

Many people worry penetrative sex will hurt when they start having sex after kids. So it's a good idea to start slow and experiment with different kinds of sex from masturbation (together or alone) and oral sex to using sex toys or getting it on in a new locale.

Masturbation can be a great exploration of your body after having a new baby. It allows you to be in control and discover what feels good and what doesn't. Oral sex and sex toys are also good ways to experiment with sexual sensations with or without penetration.

As you resume having sex after giving birth, you may find that you need lubrication. This is totally normal with sex after kids due to hormonal changes and stressors that often get in the way of libido. So have some on hand, just in case.

In addition to the different kinds of sex, changing up the location may also help you get out of the constant caregiving headspace. If it's in the budget, a night away at a hotel may lower your inhibitions and allow you to not worry about every little noise being the baby. Alternatively, see if a friend or family member can watch your child at their place, then go back home for some baby-free time.

Take Advantage of Small Opportunities

Quickies can also be fun whether you're sneaking them in during your kid's nap time or trying an unexpected space like your car, the bathroom, or the laundry room. Even sneaking into the bedroom can feel exciting when done on a whim.

Quickies are great for when you don't have a lot of time, but they can also up the thrill, which can sometimes be just the thing for parents trying to overcome the hurdle of resuming sex after kids.

Try Out Some Games

To make sure your love life doesn't get stale, you could try to incorporate some sexy games, like "truth or dare." It may seem cheesy, but it can be ridiculously fun.

Another idea is to make a "Yes, No, Maybe" sex list. In the "yes" column, put the sexual activities you want to do. In the "no" column, name what you absolutely won't do. And in the "maybe" column, come up with the things you're open to trying. For example, one of you might suggest a new position or trying out a new sex toy.

If you want to give the list a try, bring it up with your partner casually so it doesn't feel like a bigger deal than it is. You can say, "I have an idea of how we can make our sex life even better!" The best part? Seeing where your yeses and maybes overlap—and going for it!

Carve Out Alone Time

Obviously, you and your partner need some alone time for sex, but making sure you have enough time to yourself also matters. When you constantly care for a baby, time to just use the bathroom and shower sometimes feels unattainable. Try to find ways to consistently get some time alone to recharge (quick showers and bathroom breaks don't count!).

Reading a book, going for a walk or a hike, or engaging in a hobby you enjoy are great ways to feel like yourself again. And when you feel more like yourself again, you just might feel more like having sex.

Get Support

Sex after kids is not easy to navigate, so line up your support! See if some friends or family are willing to occasionally watch your baby for a couple of hours. And while they do, get in some alone time—either with your partner or yourself!

And if the intimacy is proving challenging, consider a couple's therapist to help you navigate it. There's no shame in getting professional support. Seeing a professional doesn't mean your relationship is doomed; it means you're working proactively to improve it. And that's something to be proud of.

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