Q: I seem to be able to orgasm only when I'm on top of my husband. Are there any other good positions for women who have this trouble?
A: As you've discovered with the woman-on-top position, "the trick to orgasming during intercourse is to find a way to hit the G-spot consistently and stimulate the clitoris at the same time," says Jean D. Koehler, PhD, president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.
This is easier said than done for most women. Despite the steamy sex we see in movies, where women arch their backs and roll their eyes in mind-blowing climax after mere minutes of relentless thrusting, between 10 and 12 percent of American women never experience orgasm at all. And, "of those who do, the majority don't achieve orgasm during vaginal intercourse alone," reports Hilda Hutcherson, MD, author of What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex (Putnam). What's more, although a few women can orgasm after only a few minutes of stimulation, some may take an hour or more.
So be patient, and be selfish. Don't worry about your partner's pleasure and concentrate on what you're feeling. Chances are, your husband will be pleased to partake in your little experiment. Read sex books together, share fantasies, and watch erotic videos to get an idea of what's possible.
The positions most likely to result in knee-quaking sex will allow you to stimulate your clitoris at the same time that he's penetrating you. For instance, try a rear-entry position while using your hand, his hand, or a vibrator to stroke your clitoris. Or begin in a missionary position, suggests Dr. Hutcherson, and urge your husband to move his pelvis forward until the base of his penis is against your clitoris. In this coital alignment technique, she explains, "the pelvic movement is not the typical in-and-out thrusting, but more of a rocking motion."
Through it all, keep talking, or at least moaning, to let your husband know when he's rubbing you in just the right way. If you keep up the praise for his efforts, before long your lovemaking will take on many new dimensions.
Holly Robinson is a Boston-area writer, who lives with her husband and their five children.
Originally published in American Baby magazine, March 2004.