Having kids is life-changing. Look, your friends get it—even those who don't have (and may not want) kids of their own. No, they don't know what it's like to be at the mercy of a tiny dictator, and yes, they probably get more sleep than you. But the friendships you enjoyed before you had kids didn't just evaporate into thin air. They've simply changed, along with most everything else in your life. Here are 10 things your friends without kids want you to know.
1. You're still the same person to them.
Having a baby marks a shift in identity—you're a mom now (!), with all the profound and mundane changes in your life that entails. But to the friends who knew you before D-day, you're still the same; think of them as your anchor.
2. They want to be supportive, but they may be waiting for you to take the lead.
Your crew knows you're going through a major change. Everyone handles the stresses and responsibilities of parenthood differently; some may want space to acclimate to life as a family, while others may welcome a revolving door of visitors. Your friends are taking their cues from you, so communicate what you want from them. (Your baby's working on that skill, show them how it's done!)
3. You don't have to pull it together to invite them over.
Life is messy—you don't need someone without kids to tell you that. So don't worry about making your nest Insta-worthy before inviting friends over to spend time with you and your offspring. Their focus is guaranteed to be elsewhere.
4. They want to see you—and your baby.
Once they get the all-clear from you, your friends are eager to be there for you. They want to hear about your new life, make googly eyes at your kid, and spend time catching up—on your terms.
5. But sometimes they still want to see just you.
That said, the relationships you shared before becoming a mom are important to your friends. They'd still cherish some one-on-one time like you used have, even if it's in your living room while your kid's asleep on your chest, and not over cocktails at the bar.
6. They're okay with mom talk—up to a point.
Your friends want to hear what's going on with you, and right now, that means motherhood. But when there's more than one non-mom in the room, keep in mind that not all of your friends are keen to talk endlessly about breast pumps and car seats. If you want those friends to stick around, include them in the conversation.
7. Their lives are evolving too, just in different ways.
Your friends may not have birthed a whole new human, but their lives are growing and changing, too. Ask them about it! There may be an assumption in the air that your foray into parenthood trumps other topics of conversation, but you know what they say happens when we assume? Yeah, we don't want that.
8. Your friends are not sick of you sharing baby posts on Instagram.
Every parent approaches social media differently. Some may post daily updates to their own feeds, create a separate account for their kid, or share photos and videos in any number of ways. Your friends get it—this is where your focus is now and you want to share the experience! Seeing your posts makes them feel connected to you and your growing fam, even when they can't be there IRL. They can always scroll past if their interest wanes.
9. Whether or not they want to have kids of their own, they are happy for you.
Having kids is a deeply personal choice, and chances are most of your friends have thought about it one way or the other. Even if they've made the decision not to have children, that doesn't mean they resent, judge, or look at your differently because you did. If they do, they're not the kind of friends you want hanging around, anyway.
10. They love your kid, too.
Sure, your friends may not feel the same all-consuming love for your kid that you do, but their love for you extends to your brood. Think of it like the transitive property in algebra class. It's not the kind of love you choose, it's just a fact of life.