The Parent Teacher Association does so much for the school... but are they doing it with or without you? Here are the hallmarks of a former joiner.

  1. Those cupcakes for the bake sale? Yeah, they contain gluten and white sugar.
  2. The principal introduces herself to you at the Spring Sing. So does the librarian, the music teacher, and the janitor. 
  3. You buy every item on your kid's teacher's beginning-of-the-school-year wish list. Anything to avoid volunteering.
  4. You write a LOT of checks throughout the school year. It's that or sell godforsaken wrapping paper to the same six neighbors again.
  5. When you're asked to join the jog-a-thon committee, you reply, "What's a jog-a-thon?" Then you write a check.
  6. You can never drive on field trips because you own a two-seater convertible. Nobody has to know this is on purpose.
  7. The annual auction is your chance to let loose. You *might* be too buzzed to notice the envious stares of the thirty or forty other moms working the thing.
  8. You've started making your kids walk the last block to school to avoid dirty looks in the drop-off line. What? Walking's good for kids!
  9. On parent/teacher conference day, you have to ask directions to your child's classroom. When you're late, you apologize with a venti Frappuccino and a bag of organic trail mix.
  10. You don't even know if the school has a hot lunch program, let alone how "healthy" it is. Hey, your kid's been packing his own lunch since preschool!
  11. Your one t-shirt from school spirit day is buried in the rag bin. We've got spirit, yes we do; we've got spirit, how 'bout YOU?
  12. You can't understand why anyone would hold a meeting during happy hour and not serve wine. Seriously, what's wrong with morning meetings?