What she's looking for? A good-looking guy who makes a decent living and understands that her kids come first. How dare she.

By Melissa Mills
October 08, 2020
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Ah, Reddit’s popular "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit strikes again. This time, a man wrote into the forum asking, "AITA for telling my single mom sister she should get more realistic when it comes to her dating standards?" Let's dive in.

The man, u/AitaThrowaway1714, begins by painting a picture of his sister: "My older sister 32(f) is a single mother of two (7m and 5f) because her marriage ended after 4 years," he wrote. "He is still around and pays child [support], but she's mostly raising the kids on her own." What's more, he adds that she considers herself a good catch—"college degree, well-traveled, good job, above average looking"—but has had no luck with dating. So, he says, she asked her brother for a "guy's opinion."

And this is where single parents everywhere are going to join in on a collective eye roll.

"I told her she should get more realistic when it comes to her dating standards," he wrote. "While she has a lot of things going for her, most guys don't want to date single moms. It’s not that it’s her fault, but there’s a host of sh*t a guy can end up having to deal with, like the ex being a fixture in your life, the kid giving you sh*t about not being their real dad, you not being her first priority, etc."

Apparently looking for a "tall, good looking guy with a good job (80k+), who is well traveled and has his own place/car, who understands that her children come first at all times and 'sweeps her off her feet after a long day'" is just too much to ask. God forbid a woman looks for a decent guy who can take care of himself and is OK with the idea that the kids—and not himself—come first.

His sister hung up on him, and with good reason.  

Users immediately started pouring in to comment, calling the original poster out for his behavior.

"I think this lays testament to how much women are conditioned/ expected to take care/ ignore men's baggage when dating," u/allisonkate45 commented. And who says having kids automatically means a woman is damaged goods—or that there aren't men open to the idea of dating someone with a family?

As a mom, I can say that yes, I have changed since having my son. I'm stronger, more patient, more accepting, and can multi-task like no other. I have more love to give and I'm the best version of myself I've ever been. I'm sure most parents would agree.

The dating double standards between men and women were quickly pointed out on Reddit, too. "Me, a woman, and my brother are both insanely picky when it comes to romantic prospects," wrote u/lordliv. "Guess who gets told more that she’s unlikely to find a man with such 'high standards.' Having high standards, whether male, female, or anything else is not a bad thing. Wanting the best for yourself when you know your worth is not a bad thing. Stop encouraging people to settle."

Other users, however, will leave you just as frustrated as the original poster. "Basically she wants a guy that will treat her like the sun shines out of her a**, but at the same time accepts that she most definitely wont treat him like that," u/darthbane83 wrote. "On top of that she wants the guy to be attractive and rich(own car+place and travelled around the world???). Nothing about that is realistic." How all of this was concluded from the original post, I will never know.

"No debt or minimal makes sense (disqualifying somebody because they have an auto loan or mortgage would be stupid) but if the expectation is for them to be making 80k or above it's absurd," u/ksmyt wrote. And, sure, money isn't everything when it comes to happiness, but maybe this single mom was exaggerating when talking about her standards and simply wants a mate with a steady job.

The overwhelming verdict? Yeah, dude, you're kind of being an a**hole. Anyone in the dating game should keep their standards high to get exactly what they're looking for—to get what they're worth. It's their lives and happiness that are stake. Family and friends should be more supportive than anyone.

You know that corny phrase that goes, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars"? It definitely pertains to dating. Lower your standards and you're agreeing to accept something you don't actually want—and what's the point of that?

Comments (2)

Anonymous
December 27, 2020
I don't see anything wrong with the single mom setting standards as to who she would date and perhaps later marry. She might just attain her target. Or she might not. But it's just a standard. I would set a similar standard too. With cases of child abuse involving non parent, a mother must take the necessary precaution.
Anonymous
November 28, 2020
Assuming that this is not a sarcastic post, I'd say that the man was being realistic. It is fine for the man's sister to want a "tall, good looking guy with a good job (80k+), who is well traveled and has his own place/car, who understands that her children come first at all times and 'sweeps her off her feet after a long day'", but at the same time it is also completely fine for men to want a "woman who's petite, fit, good looking and under 160 lbs who cares for him and doesn't have kids", which is probably why that woman had no luck with dating. Perhaps she should have tried to meet single dads?