Your kids will have plenty of questions about this big change in their family life. Here's how to answer them.

By Belle: University Chancellor
October 01, 2013
Advertisement
iStockphoto

As you and your spouse establish separate homes and proceed with your divorce, your kids are bound to have lots of questions. "Explaining divorce to children is a bit like covering the birds and the bees," says M. Gary Neuman, author of Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce. "Only after kids have had time to process the information will they be able to ask for more details." When your child starts peppering you with questions, put these expert tips into practice.

Be patient. You're going through an incredibly stressful time. It's understandable that you might feel like blowing your top when you hear the "why" question for the billionth time. "Why do you have to get a divorce?" "Why can't you and Daddy live together?" Of course, your child isn't really trying to drive you nuts, nor is he trying to trip you up (although you can't blame him for hoping for a different answer). Divorce is confusing to a child. Your child may seem to get it one day and be unsure the next. His mind is trying to adjust to his new reality.

Consider your audience. The same guidelines that apply to other sensitive topics (such as sex) apply here. Give an age-appropriate answer to your child's questions, keeping in mind that a younger child needs fewer details than an older one. Long-winded answers can confuse a child, so keep it short and stick to whatever script you and your ex have agreed on: "Mom and Dad fight too much, so we decided to live apart."

Answer honestly. Children should be spared certain information, such as details about a parent's infidelity, but they do deserve truthful answers. "It's okay to admit that you don't know the answer to a particular question," says Mikki Meyer, Ph.D., a family therapist in New York City. For instance, if you're still negotiating a custody arrangement you might say: "Your dad and I are still working on that. What I do know is that you will get to spend lots of time with each of us. You will be the first to know as soon as we have this figured out."

Don't overshare. Take care to answer just the question asked, especially when talking to a younger child. A 3-year-old asking why Daddy or Mommy is gone needs only to know that because Daddy and Mommy are getting a divorce, each of you will be living in your own homes now. "Keep your answers basic and to the point," Dr. Meyer says. Don't burden your child with ugly details about the divorce or badmouth the other parent. Say, "Your dad needed his own place." Not: "Your selfish father can only think about himself."

Anticipate needs. A parental split affects a child in profound ways, so it's natural that he wants to know what the impact will be on his life. You can help him achieve a sense of routine and cut down on a string of questions by keeping a calendar visible that details which days your child will spend in each parent's home (mark Mom's days in one color and Dad's days in another). Prep your child whenever holidays or school breaks are approaching so he knows where he'll be staying and keep him informed of unexpected changes like a parent traveling out of town.

Be an active listener. Children will experience a range of emotions during this time. Unfortunately, kids aren't always able to clearly express themselves. "You can help your child by identifying the feelings that may be driving his questions and wrapping up your responses with reassuring messages that every child needs to hear," Neuman says. For instance:

- Why do you have to get a divorce? "I know that it's sad that our family is going through this. Your mom [or dad] and I have tried to make changes, but we cannot fix this. We will always be your mom and dad, though, and we will always love you."

- Are we going to move? If you're not sure of this answer yet, try: "I don't know. I can imagine that it is scary for you, not knowing where you are going to live. But your dad [or mom] and I will do our best to find homes in this area so you can stay at your school and see your friends."

- Are you going to get back together? "I understand that you want us all to live together. I'm sorry that isn't going to happen. To be the best parents for you, your dad [or mom] and I need to be apart."

- Was it something I did? "It sounds like you feel guilty or that you are concerned that you might have done something to cause this. But this is entirely our fault, not yours. These are grown-up mistakes that are too big for us to fix. You are a great son [or daughter] and we are so proud to be your parents. We love you."

- Why doesn't mommy [or daddy] love me anymore? "Your mommy [or daddy] and I both love you very much. I know that you're sad that you don't get to see Mommy [or Daddy] every day, but we both still think of you with love every moment of the day."

- Why don't you love daddy [or mommy) anymore? "I will always love your daddy [or mommy] for creating our family. It sounds like you might be worried that I [or your dad/mom] might stop loving you. That will never happen. The love that a daddy or mommy has for a child is forever."

Above all, your child needs reassurance and love. "The two messages kids most need to hear," Neuman says, "are that both parents will always love them and that the divorce is not their fault."

Comments (18)

Anonymous
September 24, 2020
My husband changed dramatically towards me, doesn’t communicate anymore.He disrespects me and accuses me falsely of infidelity because of wicked gossip …but I’m simply AMAZED at the results of Dr. Todd who did reunion love spell for me. Everything is going so well and EXACTLY how he said it would be. Even though it took 3 days to fully progress, it was so worth it because things are just about at perfection! How he took my situation and completely turned it around to give me exactly what I wanted is beyond me, but something I will never question and just be completely grateful, God Bless Dr.Todd for turning sorrow happiness. Dr.Todd's contact; manifestspellcast @ gmail. com WhatsApp:+1 604 901 9747
Anonymous
September 22, 2020
I wake up everyday with a smile on my face and sing praises to this good spell caster called Dr, Godday who has done me a great favor by rescuing my relationship from break up. I used to think that I have a perfect relationship till when my lover started coming home late and everyday he gives me different excuses then I decided to keep a close eye on him then I discovered that he was having an affair with another girl. I was heartbroken because i trusted him so much and knowing that he has a secret relationship it hurts me a lot. But I thank all those who placed the contact details of Dr, Godday on the Internet and today my relationship has been restored with love and care than ever before. If you are in any kind of relationship or marriage stress I will do you a favor by dropping the contact details of Dr, Godday which is via email: goddayspiritualhome@gmail.com Or Call/Whats-app +1{919}4956404.
Anonymous
September 22, 2020
I wake up everyday with a smile on my face and sing praises to this good spell caster called Dr, Godday who has done me a great favor by rescuing my relationship from break up. I used to think that I have a perfect relationship till when my lover started coming home late and everyday he gives me different excuses then I decided to keep a close eye on him then I discovered that he was having an affair with another girl. I was heartbroken because i trusted him so much and knowing that he has a secret relationship it hurts me a lot. But I thank all those who placed the contact details of Dr, Godday on the Internet and today my relationship has been restored with love and care than ever before. If you are in any kind of relationship or marriage stress I will do you a favor by dropping the contact details of Dr, Godday which is via email: goddayspiritualhome@gmail.com Or Call/Whats-app +1{919}4956404.
Anonymous
August 6, 2020
I am sharing this testimony to partners suffering in their relationships because there is an enduring solution. My husband left me and our 2 kids for another woman for 3 years. I tried to be strong just for my kids but I could not control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed a help, so i did a research on the internet and came across a site where I saw that Dr. Todd a spellcaster, can help get lovers back. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprises, after some days, my husband came back home. That was how we reunited again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family. You can as well contact Dr. Todd, a powerful spell-caster for solutions on his contact manifestspellcast@gmail.com website:https://manifestspellcast.wordpress.com
Anonymous
July 28, 2020
I have been married for 4years and i have a break up with my husband 1months ago and i was worried and so confuse because i love him so much. i was really going too depressed and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. Tunde and i made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 48hours i receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that i should come back to the house. i have never in my life believe in spell and but now it have just helped me and i am now so happy. All Thanks to him and if you also want to have your Husband back or your lover to yourself here !! his email Address. babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com or you can reach him on via WhatsApp mobile number or call him on +2348143581382 i am so happy to testify of your work and kindness
Anonymous
July 28, 2020
I have been married for 4years and i have a break up with my husband 1months ago and i was worried and so confuse because i love him so much. i was really going too depressed and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. Tunde and i made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 48hours i receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that i should come back to the house. i have never in my life believe in spell and but now it have just helped me and i am now so happy. All Thanks to him and if you also want to have your Husband back or your lover to yourself here !! his email Address. babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com or you can reach him on via WhatsApp mobile number or call him on +2348143581382 i am so happy to testify of your work and kindness
Anonymous
July 6, 2020
I worked with the right person that brought my husband back. All my attempts was never in vein, I contacted via; (d r .o g u n o d u g a 1 0 1 0 @ g m a i l . c o m), Something spectacular happened, I am so grateful that my Husband is back. I am thankful Pregnancy spell Bisexual Love Spells Black Magick Love Spells Break-up and Separation Spells Casters and Psychics Divorce and Break Up Spells Fast Love Spells Gay Love Spells LGBT Love Spells Soulmate Love Spells Spells for Returning an Ex Transgender Love Spells Voodoo Love Spells If you need to spice your relationship with more love and romance contact Dr. Ogun WHATSAPP him on +234 8080796947 and i assure you things will turn around good for you
Anonymous
June 12, 2020
I was rejected by my husband of 8 years,it hurts so much been neglected all the time, I confronted my husband and he say it’s not working and needs a divorce.. I felt depressed and needed solution cause I love him so much. I went online for solution or counseling, when I stumbled on a testimonial page. People with similar problem as mine. I was lucky a lady left an email for me to contact, I took a bold step cause I was so depressed and feel like dying.. I contacted this great man, Dr Abaka, who prayed for me and assured me of my husband will return to my arms the next day of his spell prayer, behold after that prayer night, my husband came home pleading for my forgiveness, it’s our 1 year together after the prayer of Dr Abaka and my husband has never changed towards loving me.. contact this great man today via email: drabakaspelltemple@gmail.com or you can call/whats app no: +2349063230051
Anonymous
June 12, 2020
I was rejected by my husband of 8 years,it hurts so much been neglected all the time, I confronted my husband and he say it’s not working and needs a divorce.. I felt depressed and needed solution cause I love him so much. I went online for solution or counseling, when I stumbled on a testimonial page. People with similar problem as mine. I was lucky a lady left an email for me to contact, I took a bold step cause I was so depressed and feel like dying.. I contacted this great man, Dr Abaka, who prayed for me and assured me of my husband will return to my arms the next day of his spell prayer, behold after that prayer night, my husband came home pleading for my forgiveness, it’s our 1 year together after the prayer of Dr Abaka and my husband has never changed towards loving me.. contact this great man today via email: drabakaspelltemple@gmail.com or you can call/whats app no: +2349063230051
Anonymous
April 23, 2020
My name is Valary West.I'm from Canada, My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behaviour from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Psychic odumeje  can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologised for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. highly recommend Psychic odumeje, he is Powerful and really love spell caster. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. he will not disappoint you.Email:  odumejetemple@gmail.com or call / whataspp +2349012479806
Anonymous
February 25, 2020
My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. WONDER LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. WONDER you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr WONDER You can also contact Dr WONDER via email address: DR.WONDERSPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problems Contact him through this email address DR.WONDERSPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM OR +2349059484309... ...........
Anonymous
February 25, 2020
My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. WONDER LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. WONDER you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr WONDER You can also contact Dr WONDER via email address: DR.WONDERSPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problems Contact him through this email address DR.WONDERSPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM OR +2349059484309...
Anonymous
February 25, 2020
My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. WONDER LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. WONDER you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr WONDER You can also contact Dr WONDER via email address: DR.WONDERSPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problems Contact him through this email address DR.WONDERSPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM OR +2349059484309...
Anonymous
October 20, 2019
Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him  +2348143581382 if you seek his help.   Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE
Anonymous
October 20, 2019
Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him  +2348143581382 if you seek his help.   Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE
Anonymous
October 20, 2019
Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him  +2348143581382 if you seek his help.   Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE
Anonymous
October 20, 2019
Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him  +2348143581382 if you seek his help.   Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE
Anonymous
October 20, 2019
Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him  +2348143581382 if you seek his help.   Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE