How the Snowplow Parenting Trend Affects Kids
On the surface, snowplow parents may think they're paving the way for their kids to succeed. But this style of parenting can actually prevent children from developing critical coping skills. Here's experts want you to know.
When I was younger, a snowplow was a machine not a type of parent. The first time I remember hearing a parenting machine metaphor was the helicopter parent. There have been many terms since then and now the newest one is the snowplow parent.
Like a snowplow clearing the snow off the street, a snowplow parent removes any obstacles in their child's way. This type of parent does not want their child to experience any discomfort or problems, so the parent intervenes and fixes it for their child. The term was first coined in The New York Times article referring to the "Operation Varsity Blues" college admissions scandal this past March, and now, the concept seems to be far more pervasive than one would have thought.
We talked to experts to try and understand why, and breakdown the pros and cons of how exactly kids today are being effected by this style of parenting.
- RELATED: What Is Helicopter Parenting?
Why is the Trend Occurring Now?
Experts think that media has influenced the movement of parents intervening for their children in a myriad of ways. Helicopter parenting, for example, refers to "a style of parents who are over focused on their children," says Carolyn Daitch, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders near Detroit. "They typically take too much responsibility for their children's experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures," Dr. Daitch says.
Snowplow parenting (also known as lawnmower parenting), however, takes things a step further and describes parents who not only over focus, but overprotect their kids by fighting their battles for them.
"This generation of parents—whether we want to call them snowplow, helicopter, or lawnmower—is parenting in an age of anxiety. There is the 24-hour news cycle and social media reminding us of everything terrible that's happening in the world," says Dr. Carla Naumburg, clinical social worker in Newton, Massachusetts and the author of the new book, How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent.
Jessica Lahey, the author of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed, also feels that the media created this type of parenting.
"The media has us believe that our children are in peril all the time, with danger approaching from all sides," says Lahey. "This simply isn't true. This is one of the safest periods in history to be a child from a violent crime perspective. The media overhypes very remote, potential dangers to our children."
Another advancement fueling the snowy fire? That smartphone sitting next to you. "Thanks to technology, it is much easier to be a snowplow parent now than it was in the past—it is easy for a parent to send a quick email complaint to their child's teacher," says Dr. Damon Korb, a developmental behavioral pediatrician in Los Gatos, California, and author of the new book Raising an Organized Child.
The Effects of Snowplow Parenting
So how are kids of snowplow parents faring? Our experts weigh in on the biggest concerns they have when it comes to issues snowplow parenting can cause in kids.
Trouble dealing with frustration
Lahey explains that kids who have highly directive parents are less comfortable with frustration, and therefore less able to complete difficult tasks on their own. She says, "One teaching tool, called desirable difficulties, is a particularly important tool, and kids who can't handle feeling frustrated, who give up at the first hint of a challenge, are simply less able to learn."
Poor problem-solving skills
Dr. Korb describes snowplow parenting as being a sprinter even though life is a marathon. He says, "A snowplow parent may successfully push their child into the lead part in a play or on to the most competitive soccer team. They may even help their child get into a more highly ranked college. But in doing so, the snowplow parent deprives their child of the ability to learn how to solve problems and how to deal with struggle which are critical life skills."
Lack of self-efficacy
Lahey explains that kids who never have to deal with the consequences of their actions, end up feeling a lack of self-efficacy. "They don't believe that their actions will lead to positive change, and they are less likely to act in the first place," says Lahey. "Another name for this is learned helplessness, and parents are kids first and best teachers."
Dr. Naumburg explains that when parents make decisions based on anxiety, they act in ways that are designed to soothe fears instead of teaching their children how to manage challenging situations, develop coping skills, and increase resiliency.
"Parents end up transmitting their anxiety to their children when they make decisions from a place of anxiety," says Dr. Naumburg.
How to Avoid Being a Snowplow Parent
Struggle is integral to growing up. Snowplow parents block their children from struggle by either pushing and promoting their child or withdrawing and letting them quit. "It is better to embrace struggle and to take a growth mindset," says Dr. Korb.
Here are a few more tips from our experts on raising a self-sufficient child in the face of the snowplow parenting trend:
Control your own anxiety. Dr. Naumburg stresses the importance of parents managing their own anxiety. "When we can parent from a place of clear-headed thinking and allow our values to guide us, we're more likely to raise children who can handle whatever comes their way," she says.
Focus on long-term goals. Lahey suggests that parents try to focus on long term goals instead of short-term emergencies. She also stresses the importance of emphasizing the process of learning over the product of grades, points, and scores. "That's where real parenting happens, in the process of becoming better next time."
Be a "big-picture" parent. Dr. Korb is an advocate of "big picture" parenting, where parents prepare kids for adulthood by gradually pulling back and giving them the opportunity to think independently and solve problems for themselves. When a child experiences a problem, a big-picture parent responds by asking: "How will you solve the problem and what will you differently next time?" You can offer suggestions, but respect your child's process to figure out what they need to do to be successful.
Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. You can follower her on Twitter @CherylMaguire05