First Kid: All homemade in special baby-food processor. Quinoa! Spinach! Sweet potatoes!
Second Kid: Crackers.
First Kid: Crib that Daddy put together himself while Mommy yelled at him.
Second Kid: Mommy's bed. Daddy now has his own room with a mattress on the floor surrounded by dirty socks.
First Kid: One hundred percent organic cotton. Some even made of bamboo?
Second Kid: His brother's old clothes.
First Kid: In our backyard with a piñata hanging from the Japanese maple.
Second Kid: Pizza on the floor.
First Kid: Every night in a special bathtub that's just the right size. Hand-washed with a soft cloth or silky sponge.
Second Kid: Twice a week. Swimming pools count.
First Kid: Swaddled in a Miracle Blanket. "Baby Beluga" sung to him. Asleep by 7:30 p.m.
Second Kid: Falls asleep on the sofa with mom's boob in his mouth at 10:30 p.m.
First Kid: Playgroups, mommy and baby get-togethers in the park!
Second Kid: His brother's friends.
First Kid: PBS/Sesame Street only. Two 23-minute shows per day.
Second Kid: Has his own Netflix account.
First Kid: Something European with an umlaut in its name.
Second Kid: Old muddy shoes with faded umlaut and missing sole insert.
First Kid: Diapers, then some kind of training underwear, then underwear.
Second Kid: Might crap in a diaper until college.
First Kid: A wonderful woman named Sarah, whom he loves and will cherish for the rest of his life.
Second Kid: Doesn't have one. We never go out.
From This Is Ridiculous This Is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists, by Jason Good. Copyright 2014 by author. Printed by permission of Chronicle Books LLC.