Authoritative Parenting: The Pros and Cons, According to a Child Psychologist

Authoritative parents are the ones who somehow manage to strike a perfect balance between disciplinarian and pushover. They're warm and kind to their kids, but they set effective limits, too. They respect their kids' personhood and individuality, and parent with an end goal of producing well-rounded, independent, happy people who will be positive additions to society.

Sound like you? Read on to understand all the pros—and a few cons—of this parenting style.

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What is Authoritative Parenting?

If authoritarian parents are hyper-focused on rules, and permissive parents tend to eschew rules altogether, authoritative parents use rules to empower their children to make the right choices.

"They acknowledge the importance of setting limits and boundaries, but are not as strict as authoritarian parents," says Jeff Nalin, an award-winning licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Paradigm Treatment Centers. "They encourage their children to express themselves and contribute to problem-solving, but they don't provide excessive rules or unrealistic expectations."

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Traits of Authoritative Parents

Some common traits of this parenting style include that authoritative parents:

• Allow their kids to fail, but provide support and guidance if asked
• Emphasize well-roundedness in their children
  
• Give their kids the opportunity to discuss household rules regularly
• Place a high importance on fairness and respect
• Prefer to empower their kids, rather than intimidate or befriend them
  

Pros of Authoritative Parenting

When it comes to authoritative parenting, it's pretty much all good news! Study after study has shown that this type of positive discipline produces resilient, confident, respectful, and happy children. Both the American Psychological Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics promote parenting and discipline practices that align with an authoritative approach.

Below, Nalin outlines some of the biggest pros of authoritative parenting.

Accountability

Children who are raised by authoritative parents understand that they are ultimately responsible for the choices they make, which empowers them to make good decisions. These children don't usually cave to peer pressure. And they've learned the key life skills that will help them thrive.

Respect

Children whose parents show them respect by allowing them certain freedoms are more likely to respect others. They often thrive in social settings and get along well with teachers and peers. Considering and acknowledging your child's feelings—even if you don't agree or accommodate their wishes, shows your child that you value and respect them. Plus, this approach models how to respect and value others.

Resiliency

Children of authoritative parents are allowed to fail and learn from their mistakes. They build resilience, which is the ability to overcome and bounce back from life's challenges and traumas. These experiences also increase self-esteem, problem-solving skills, pride in accomplishments, and confidence.

Leadership

Because of their ability to make their own decisions, these children have the kind of confidence and savvy that allows them to take on leadership roles. They value the contributions and opinions of others but are also comfortable making tough choices and taking the lead.

Studious

Authoritative parents support their children. Whether it's weekly homework or a special project, they make themselves available and provide all the necessary tools for their children's success in school. But they won't do it for them. So, kids develop good homework habits and take pride in doing the work on their own—but also have a caregiver to lean on if they need guidance or support.

Cons of Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parenting is the most celebrated parenting type among psychologists all over the world, so it's difficult to find many drawbacks. Often in life, finding a balance between two alternatives is the best solution to a problem, and that's certainly the case here. But that doesn't mean that everything will be smooth sailing as long as you practice authoritative parenting.

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As they grow, kids go through normal phases of rebellion, anger, and apathy. These phases may be particularly difficult for authoritative parents, who naturally have high expectations of their children, and have tried hard to raise their kids in the best way possible. Here, patience is the key to success, says Nalin.

"Authoritative parenting can be more difficult and lengthy to implement because it requires a delicate balance of discipline and freedom. Parents can undergo a few periods of trial and error before they find the strategies that work best for them and their children. It's important to recognize that rebellion is a natural part of childhood. Parents should continue to stay firm and outline the consequences of poor behavior," he says.

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Examples of Authoritative Parenting

It's all well and good to decide on a specific parenting approach, but you also need to know how to implement it in the real world. Here are a few scenarios that demonstrate how authoritative parents might handle everyday situations.

Screen time

Authoritative parents are likely to place limits on screen time, but consider their children's ages and individual situations when doing so. They're also most likely to work with their child to establish a rule that works for everyone. Children who follow these guidelines also may be able to earn extra time as a reward for good behavior.

Play dates

Children raised by authoritative parents are most likely to have a clear understanding of what must be done before going out to play with friends. They understand the boundaries of when play dates begin and end. They also follow expectations about being a good host and guest.

Food and treats

Authoritative parents won't allow kids 24/7 access to the kitchen, but they are likely to let their child make themselves a sandwich or other simple meal if they truly don't like what's being served. They're likely to be able to freely grab a snack and pack their own lunch, too.

The Bottom Line

While there's no one perfect way to parent, experts agree that an authoritative approach is ideal for most kids and families. This parenting style balances rules and limits with a caring, understanding perspective that takes kids' feelings into account.