Stop Asking Me if I'm Going to Have a Girl

As a mom of two boys I constantly hear, "Now you need to try for a girl!" Umm, no. It's time we do away with antiquated ideas of what it means to have—or be—girls and boys. And, while we're at it, let's stop asking people when they're having babies—period.

An image of a pregnant woman looking at her ultrasound image.
Photo: Getty Images.

My second son was born in April and before I even made it to my postpartum checkup I lost count of the number of times I heard, "Now you need to try for a girl!" Like, can I at least be done with the mesh panties before you're planning my next pregnancy?

It's true, I'm the only female in the house—even the dog's a dude. But I'm happy with my little family and done having kids. And, honestly, how would having a girl change or enrich my life more? How much different would it be than having boys—and who says my two little boys won't be into the things society dictates little girls are supposed to be into (or vice versa)? I know that's sort of one of those things people say to people who have kids of the same sex, but it's really time we stop.

I'm not going to lie, I dreamt of having two little girls growing up. That mainly stemmed from the fact that I have a younger sister and always imagined I'd have the same sort of family—right down to the golden retriever—as an adult. So when I became pregnant for the first time in 2018 and discovered I was having a boy, I experienced some gender disappointment and had to cope with my new reality.

It wasn't hard to do once I threw out all of my own plans and expectations and the gender stereotypes that had been drilled into my head over my lifetime. After all, what does having a girl or boy mean anyway? As a kid, I was into Barbie and gymnastics, but was also a huge tomboy, loved going to hockey games, and played softball. But what does gender identity even have to do with hobbies?

My son can do whatever the heck he wants. He truly is one of a kind—with no "boy" box forced to squeeze into: He loves music, dancing, car washes, Spider-Man, roughhousing, the color pink, Lego, and doing mommy's makeup. He's free to try new things and create his own identity. Who am I to define what makes him him? I can't wait to learn more about my new baby and accept whoever he wants to be, too.

It's time we all get on the same page and realize that gender norms are outdated, we should just let our kids be whoever they want to be, and it really makes no difference whether you have a boy or girl, especially if you're one of the many parents these days opting to raise your child more gender neutral.

So can we all just agree to stop asking parents when they're going to have a child of the opposite sex? Because it really doesn't matter. And, while we're at it, let's stop asking parents super invasive questions about their baby plans—period.

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