Do your children leave you speechless? No longer. We've got the (new) words you've been searching for.
blubbernecker (BLUH-behr-nekk-uhr) n: a stranger who stands and gawks at your child when she's having a tantrum
chapturn (CHAHP-tern) v: to sneakily skip pages or abbreviate the narrative when reading a long kids' book to your child
crydentity crisis (cry-DENT-ih-tee CRY-sis) n: silence that falls over a group of parents at a playdate when a cry is heard from the next room and they're all determining whether the wailing child is theirs
feelabuster (FEEHL-uh-buss-tehr) v: to pat down your toddler after a playdate at someone else's house to make sure she isn't stealing any toys
harrask (huh-RASK) v: when a child persists in asking again and again for permission to do something in the fervent hope that your answer will change from no to yes
invisibooboo (in-VIZ-uh-boo-boo) n: the site on a child's body where you unnecessarily applied a bandage to appease him when he got hurt, even though no blood ever appeared
lullacry (LULL-uh-cry) n: the dramatic, seemingly interminable pause between a child sustaining an injury and beginning to wail
monopolooze (mo-NAH- puh-looz) v: to strategically lose a board game against an unsportsmanlike child
poppalarity (PAH-puh-lahr-i- tee) n: the high approval rating that pushover dads receive from their kids for letting them watch more TV, eat more junk, and stay up much later than they should
slobbertize (SLOBB-her-tyz) v: to use spit on a napkin to clean something off your kid's face when you're not near a sink.
spoonami (spoo-NAH-me) n: the aftermath in your silverware drawer subsequent to letting your 3-year-old empty the dishwasher cutlery basket
toyphoon (toy-FOON) n: the routine recreational activity of children that leaves their playroom looking as if it were decimated by a hurricane
winnergy (WINN-uhr-gee) n: the notion that every kid on every sports team, regardless of how well or poorly the team did, should receive a trophy
From The Kid Dictionary: Hilarious Words to Describe the Indescribable Things Kids Do, by Eric Ruhalter. Copyright © 2012 by Eric Ruhalter. Reprinted by permission of Sourcebooks, Inc.
Originally published in the April 2012 issue of Parents magazine.