Skip to content

Top Navigation

Parents Parents
  • GETTING PREGNANT
  • PREGNANCY
  • BABY NAMES
  • BABY
  • TODDLER
  • BIG KID
  • FUN
  • HEALTH
  • PARENTING
  • FOOD
  • HOLIDAY
  • News & Trends
  • Raising the Future
  • OUR MAGAZINES
  • Podcasts
  • Kindred
  • MORE

Profile Menu

Join Now

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
My Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
Login
Pin FB

Explore Parents

Parents Parents
  • Explore

    Explore

    • 22 Chore Ideas for Every Type of Kid

      22 Chore Ideas for Every Type of Kid

      Find a chore your kid loves to do, and start a habit of wanting to help out that'll last a lifetime. Read More Next
    • Top 5 Mom Friend Problems—And How to Fix Them

      Top 5 Mom Friend Problems—And How to Fix Them

      Parenting is so much easier with good pals. Learn to overcome friendship hurdles and bond with women who get you. Read More Next
    • How to Sleep Train Toddlers and Big Kids

      How to Sleep Train Toddlers and Big Kids

      Do you struggle to put your kiddo to bed—or keep them there? Read on to find out how to sleep train toddlers, preschoolers, and big kids. Read More Next
  • GETTING PREGNANT

    GETTING PREGNANT

    See All GETTING PREGNANT
    Your Chances of Getting Pregnant, During Every Phase of Your Cycle

    Your Chances of Getting Pregnant, During Every Phase of Your Cycle

    When sex coincides with your most fertile days, your chances of getting pregnant increase. Get to know each phase of your cycle to help you conceive (or avoid) a pregnancy.
    • Ovulation
    • Reproductive Age
    • Maximizing Your Fertility
    • Pre-Pregnancy Health
    • Trying to Conceive
    • Dealing With Infertility
    • Genetics
  • PREGNANCY

    PREGNANCY

    See All PREGNANCY
    9 Signs That Labor Is Approaching

    9 Signs That Labor Is Approaching

    Anxiously awaiting your baby’s arrival? Learn to recognize the signs of approaching labor, which signal that your little one might make an appearance soon.
    • Signs of Pregnancy
    • Pregnancy Week-by-Week
    • Giving Birth
    • Labor & Delivery
    • Pregnancy Symptoms
    • Due Date Calculator
    • Pregnancy Complications
    • Fetal Development
    • Gender Prediction
    • Baby Showers
  • BABY NAMES

    BABY NAMES

    See All BABY NAMES
    These Baby Names Are Predicted to Be Popular in 2022

    These Baby Names Are Predicted to Be Popular in 2022

    From Bridgerton to travel destinations, learn what's inspiring the baby name trends of 2022.
    • Baby Girl Names
    • Most Popular Names
    • Names by Origin
    • Twin Names
    • Baby Boy Names
    • Names by Religion
    • Celebrity Baby Names
  • BABY

    BABY

    See All BABY
    How to Decode Your Baby's Cough

    How to Decode Your Baby's Cough

    Caring for a baby with a wet or dry cough? Listen for wheezing, hacking, or barking first, then read on to find out what's normal and when it's time to worry.
    • Newborn Care
    • Crying Baby
    • Health
    • Baby Development
    • Safety
    • Gear
    • Breastfeeding
    • Diapers
    • Sleep Issues
    • Feeding
    • Nursery
  • TODDLER

    TODDLER

    See All TODDLER
    • Preschool Activities
    • Behavior & Discipline
    • Toddler Development
    • Milestones
    • Potty Training
    • Starting School
    • Health
    • Safety
    • Childcare
  • BIG KID

    BIG KID

    See All BIG KID
    How to Deal With Bullies: A Guide for Parents

    How to Deal With Bullies: A Guide for Parents

    Mean kids aren't just a middle-school problem. The trouble has trickled to the youngest grades. Learn how to spot it—and how to protect children of all ages from bullies at school.
    • Education
    • Health
    • Food & Nutrition
    • Bullying & School Problems
    • Child Development
    • Safety
    • Manners & Responsibility
  • FUN

    FUN

    See All FUN
    17 Budget-Friendly Kids' Birthday Party Ideas

    17 Budget-Friendly Kids' Birthday Party Ideas

    A fun celebration doesn't need to cost a pretty penny. Throw a memorable bash with these clever cost-cutting kids' birthday party ideas.
    • Birthdays
    • Indoor Activities
    • Outdoor Activities
    • Arts & Crafts
    • Printable Coloring Pages
    • Kids' Entertainment
    • Best Toys
    • Holidays
    • Family Vacation Ideas
  • HEALTH

    HEALTH

    See All HEALTH
    All About Coronavirus COVID-19: A Concerned Parent's Guide

    All About Coronavirus COVID-19: A Concerned Parent's Guide

    Here’s everything you need to know about the disease that originated in Wuhan, China.
    • ADD & ADHD
    • Allergies
    • Autism
    • Cold & Flu
    • Coronavirus and COVID-19
    • Cough
    • Down Syndrome
    • Emergency Aid
    • Fever
    • Medication & Vitamins
    • Obesity
    • Rashes
    • Stomach Aches
    • Vaccines
  • PARENTING

    PARENTING

    See All PARENTING
    The Stay at Home Guide for Parents

    The Stay at Home Guide for Parents

    Everything you need to thrive at home as a family.
    • Positive Parenting
    • Parenting Style
    • Celebrity Parents
    • Family Dynamics
    • Divorce
    • Home
    • Adoption
    • Just for Mom
    • Money
    • Toy Recalls
    • Stroller Recalls
    • Moms Run the World
    • The Stay at Home Guide
  • FOOD

    FOOD

    See All FOOD
    • Family Recipes
    • Baby Food
    • Toddler Finger Food Recipes
    • Hints & Tips
    • Healthy Eating
    • Birthdays
    • Holiday Recipes
    • Quick & Easy Meals
    • Food For Pregnant Women
  • HOLIDAY

    HOLIDAY

    See All HOLIDAY
    44 Fun Valentine's Day Crafts for Kids, Preschoolers, and Toddlers

    44 Fun Valentine's Day Crafts for Kids, Preschoolers, and Toddlers

    Spend an afternoon making these Valentine's Day cards, decorations, and edible projects. Bonus: Each one can double as a homemade gift for someone special!
    • Christmas
    • New Year's
    • Valentine's Day
    • Easter
    • Mother's Day
    • Memorial Day
    • Father's Day
    • 4th of July
    • Halloween
    • Thanksgiving
    • Hanukkah
  • News & Trends
  • Raising the Future
  • OUR MAGAZINES

    OUR MAGAZINES

    See All OUR MAGAZINES
    • Parents
    • Parents Latina
    • Ser Padres
  • Podcasts

    Podcasts

    • We Are Family Podcast
    • That New Mom Life Podcast
    • Pregnancy Confidential Podcast
  • Kindred
  • MORE

    MORE

    • Newsletters
    • Contests
    • #ParentsIRL
    • Adulting
    • First Year Playbook
    • Celebrate Your Way

Profile Menu

Join Now

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
My Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
Login
Sweepstakes

Follow Us

  1. Home
  2. Raising Kids
  3. Better Parenting
  4. Parenting Advice & Tips
  5. Lies Parents Tell

Lies Parents Tell

June 01, 2010
Skip gallery slides
Pin
mother and child
Credit: Comstock/Getty
Fibbing to your child to get through a sticky situation may seem harmless. But the truth is, it doesn't help a kid learn why and how she should behave.
Start Slideshow

1 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White Lies We Tell

lying to your kids
Credit: Aimee Herring

I know that lying is wrong. I tell my kids that all the time.

I'll fess up, though: I've also told my daughters, Mirabel, 5, and Caroline, 4, that certain dolls at our neighborhood toy store (coincidentally, the very same ones they want) aren't actually for sale. "They live here," I tell them frequently, especially when we have to dash in to buy a birthday gift. It's just easier -- we get in and out of the store without a whine fest.

I know I'm not the only parent who lies to her kids. A 2008 British survey found that eight out of ten parents stretch the truth to their children. Then I realized: How were my kids going to learn to trust me if I'm constantly telling fibs -- no matter how insignificant they seem.

We'll show you how to spot the white lies you tell -- and how to avoid telling them in the first place.

1 of 9

Advertisement
Advertisement

2 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White Lie no. 1: "Sorry, but the car won't start until your seat belts are buckled."

children in car
Credit: Jason Todd

This one seems so benign, "but it's really a way of avoiding your responsibility as a parent," explains Hal Runkel, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of ScreamFree Parenting. "You want your kid to know that it's your job to make the smart decisions that keep her safe."

What to say instead: "I'm not starting the car until your seat belt has been fastened." This lets a child know that Mom and Dad are in charge of making sure that the safety rules are followed. Explain that it's the law that all passengers wear seat belts in order to prevent injuries.

2 of 9

3 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White Lie no. 2: "Lightning McQueen/Spider-Man/The Little Mermaid loves broccoli!"

picky eater
Credit: Fancy Photography/Veer

"Food lies don't usually work, basically because a kid's palate isn't so easily swayed," says Dr. Nelsen. Plus, it's pretty lame to use a child's beloved idol to make him eat his veggies.

What to say instead: "Vegetables are good for you, and it's what's for dinner." While you can't force your kid to eat, offer veggies at every meal. One day, he'll decide to try some.

3 of 9

Advertisement

4 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White Lie no. 3: "It's against the law for 3-year-olds to use pacifiers, so now that you're a big girl, you have to throw away your Binky."

giving up pacifier
Credit: Alexandra Grablewski

Again, you're dodging your real responsibility as a parent, and abdicating your role to help guide her through sometimes tricky childhood transitions.

What to say instead: "I know you really love your Binky, but as kids get older they shouldn't use them anymore." Tell her you know how hard this is for her, and let her talk about how she's feeling as much as she likes. "You don't want to shame a child," says Dr. Gardenswartz. "Instead, take steps to make her feel good about her newfound maturity; explain how kicking the pacifier habit is actually a good thing." You might tell her that it will help her to keep her teeth nice and straight and that everyone will understand her when she speaks.

4 of 9

5 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White lie no. 4: "Sparky got sick and went to live on a farm."

girl petting dog
Credit: Alloy Photography/Veer

Even though you are trying to shield your young child from getting upset, telling him the truth about death is best. You can do this gently.

What to say instead: "When animals get old or sick, they die. And that's what happened to Sparky." Beyond that, follow your child's lead, which will vary by his age. "You don't want to give him more information than he needs," says Dr. Gardenswartz. If he doesn't ask questions, he's not ready or simply isn't curious. When he does ask, be prepared to talk openly.

5 of 9

6 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White lie no. 5: "Santa won't come this year if you don't...[fill in the blank]."

happy child
Credit: Sarah Kehoe

Again, you're in charge, not Santa, and your child has to learn to behave because it's the right thing to do.

What to say instead: Get your child involved in creating the rules, and then use questions to invite her to cooperate in the process, says Dr. Nelsen. "What was our agreement about what you need to do with your toys when you are finished playing with them? Would you like me to set your timer to see how long it will take you to get it done? I'm looking forward to our storytime as soon as they get picked up."

6 of 9

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

7 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White lie no. 6: "Mommy and Daddy are playing a game."

mother talking to her child
Credit: Aimee Herring

You and your husband are really having an argument. It's fine to let your kids see you arguing sometimes, as long as you fight fair. "To give kids the impression that mommies and daddies never disagree is absurd," says Dr. Nelsen.

What to say instead: "Daddy and I were mad at each other, but it's okay. We love each other and will work it out." Remind your child of a time when he was angry with his best friend -- who, by the way, is still his best friend. Then explain that parents have different ideas about stuff and talk it out until they agree. Remember, fighting fair means no shouting, name-calling, or slamming doors.

7 of 9

8 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

White lie no. 7: "This won't hurt a bit."

toddler vaccination
Credit: iStock

Perhaps the silliest fib of all, because you're immediately outed once the pediatrician gives the shot.

What to say instead: "This is going to hurt, but not a lot." Don't dismiss her fears and do give her some prep time. Say something like, "It will hurt a little more than a pinch."

8 of 9

9 of 9

Pin
Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message

But what about white lies?

mother and child
Credit: Comstock/Getty

We want our kids to be honest -- but also kind, respectful, and considerate. So what if the truth hurts someone's feelings? After all, they've probably seen you dole out a few "white lies" already. Well, that's the problem. Children watch us and learn from our example, so you have to reform your own ways as well. Bottom line: It's rarely necessary to lie. Giving out less information isn't lying. For instance, if Aunt Betty sent your daughter a green poncho that you know she will never wear, don't encourage her to write a thank-you note that says she loves it. Instead, think about what truths you can tell -- like "I love green" or "Thanks for remembering my birthday." The next time a friend asks you and the family over for a barbecue nobody wants to go to, let your kids hear you tell them, "Thanks for the invite, but we're going to chill out with a movie and popcorn this Saturday."

Originally published in the July 2010 issue of Parents magazine.

9 of 9

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Replay gallery

Share the Gallery

Pinterest Facebook

Up Next

    Share the Gallery

    Pinterest Facebook
    Trending Videos
    Advertisement
    Skip slide summaries

    Everything in This Slideshow

    Advertisement

    View All

    1 of 9 White Lies We Tell
    2 of 9 White Lie no. 1: "Sorry, but the car won't start until your seat belts are buckled."
    3 of 9 White Lie no. 2: "Lightning McQueen/Spider-Man/The Little Mermaid loves broccoli!"
    4 of 9 White Lie no. 3: "It's against the law for 3-year-olds to use pacifiers, so now that you're a big girl, you have to throw away your Binky."
    5 of 9 White lie no. 4: "Sparky got sick and went to live on a farm."
    6 of 9 White lie no. 5: "Santa won't come this year if you don't...[fill in the blank]."
    7 of 9 White lie no. 6: "Mommy and Daddy are playing a game."
    8 of 9 White lie no. 7: "This won't hurt a bit."
    9 of 9 But what about white lies?

    Share & More

    Facebook Tweet Email Send Text Message
    Parents

    Magazines & More

    Learn More

    • About Us
    • Customer Service this link opens in a new tab
    • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
    • Advertise this link opens in a new tab
    • Content Licensing this link opens in a new tab
    • From Our Sponsors this link opens in a new tab
    • Affiliate Program this link opens in a new tab
    • Accolades this link opens in a new tab

    Connect

    Follow Us
    Subscribe to Our Newsletter
    Sign Up
    MeredithParents.com is part of the Parents Network. © Copyright 2022 Meredith Corporation. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policythis link opens in a new tab Terms of Servicethis link opens in a new tab Ad Choicesthis link opens in a new tab California Do Not Sellthis link opens a modal window Web Accessibilitythis link opens in a new tab
    © Copyright Parents. All rights reserved. Printed from https://www.parents.com

    Sign in

    View image

    Lies Parents Tell
    this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines.