Once you have a family, everyone—from your great-aunt to strangers on the street—feels like they have the right to pry. Thanks to our panel of funny moms, you can Shut. It. Down.

October 19, 2016

1. Why isn’t your baby wearing a hat or socks?

“He threw them at the last person who asked me that.” —Sarah Schmelling

“Because I only asked him six times to put them on. Seven is our magic number.” —What’s Up Moms

2. Is she sleeping through the night yet?

“Only when I give her whiskey.” —The Pump and Dump ladies

“I have no clue. I’m never home at night.” —Sh*tty Moms

3. Has he started crawling yet?

“Crawling is so last month. He starts Harvard next week.” —Sh*tty Moms

“Probably not—he’s kind of a dummy.” —The Pump and Dump ladies

4. Are they twins?

“Oh good, you see the second one too.” —Sarah Schmelling

“Triplets, actually.” —What’s Up Moms

5. Who watches your kids during the day?

“Good question! Wait, what time is it?” —Sarah Schmelling

“Our nanny…cam.” —Sh*tty Moms

6. Is your child adopted?

“Of course not. Wish I could stay longer to discuss, but the mailman is coming over for dinner. Talk soon.” —Sh*tty Moms

“No—I stole her.” —The Pump and Dump ladies

7. Was your baby planned?

“Yes, but the blueprints were way off.” —Sarah Schmelling

“HUGE mistake.” —The Pump and Dump ladies

8. When are you having your next child?

“Ask me again after I drop my kids off with you for the weekend.” —What’s Up Moms

“In my next life.” —The Pump and Dump ladies

9. Wow, don’t you have your hands full with three kids?

“You’re so sweet to offer to take them for a while!” —The Pump and Dump ladies

“There are three of them? Good, that means the big one came back.” —Sarah Schmelling

10. Do you think you’ll try for a girl next? 

“Funny you ask—that’s just what we were about to do.” —What’s Up Moms

Parents Magazine


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