When it comes to New Year's resolutions, I'm as guilty as the next mom of being a teensy bit overambitious. (And honestly, I'm not even sure it's possible to learn Italian, get a bikini body, and pay off a lifetime of debt in twelve short months anyway.) Rather than setting myself up to fail by January 3, this year I'm going to beat the system by striving for goals that are actually doable. Join me?
1. "I will drink less wine." Notice I didn't say less than who/what.
2. "I will cultivate patience." Cultivating takes time, people. Rome wasn't built in a day.
3. "I will stop making impossible New Year's resolutions." See #4.
4. "I will work on reducing stress." Impossible New Year's resolutions stress me out.
5. "I will save money." Not buying that new car I want will save us 50 grand! You're welcome, dear.
6. "If I pin it, I will make it." [deletes all pins and closes Pinterest account]
7. "I will drink more water." You can't make coffee without water, right?
8. "I will put on workout clothes twice a week." It's not a guarantee I'll go, but it is a necessary first step.
9. "I will go to bed earlier." Honey, put the kids to bed, wouldja?
10. "I will stop wasting so much time on Facebook." Instagram is better anyway.
11. "I will not let the kids talk me into getting another dog." PLEASE SEND BACKUP.
12. "I will not sweat the small stuff." Just don't try to tell me that anything involving my kids, my job, or my hair is small stuff.
13. "I will try to maintain my current weight." Beats gaining!
14. "I will stop catering to my children's bottomless list of food whims." I'm not being selfish; I'm building better eaters.
15. "I will try something new every week." (I'll also try to make sure that something isn't a new type of wine more than 50 percent of the time.)
16. "I will read more." Considering the last book I finished was in 2011, this shouldn't be too hard.
17. "I will stop saving fortune cookie fortunes." But they'll still come true, right?
18. "I will be kinder to myself." This should come in handy after I gain weight and console myself with a wine-and-Facebook bender.
19. "I will strive for balance." I'm actually not even sure what this means, but it doesn't sound particularly daunting, so there you go.
20. "I will practice more yoga." I'll just be over here corpsing if anyone needs me.