10 Parenting Terms You Didn't Know You Needed

They're not in any dictionary (yet!) but trust us: these are parenting terms you need to know now. 

cartoon mom putting gloves on daughter
Photo: Alli Arnold

Commoncorefloored The inevitability that you won't be able to help your child with her math homework because, no matter in which decade you went to high school, the way you learned is no longer "right."

Facebook-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder When you share the incredibly profound thing your 4-year-old says with your Facebook friends, only to read it the next day and realize it makes no sense whatsoever and that you're just exhausted.

Häagenhording The perfectly justifiable burying of the premium ice cream in the way back of the freezer because your kids' taste buds are in no way sufficiently sophisticated to appreciate the difference between a $5 pint and a freezer-burned bargain brand.

Momjerk reaction A surge of junior competitiveness toward another mother when she mentions that her same-age kid is learning to code in Scratch while yours is still all about Minecraft.

Momsplanation The perfectly age-appropriate, measured, honest yet mortifying definition you give for a grown-up word your child asks about. Then you discover that he meant "prosecution," not "prostitution."

Outgroan The sound you make when your second-grader no longer fits into the $79 blue blazer you bought him a month ago for his spring concert.

Punishment bluff The profound relief you feel that your child finally put the Lego pieces away, because you'd threatened to confiscate his electronics if he didn't—and you just didn't have the energy to enforce it.

Sayyouresorry(notsorry) When you force your child to apologize for something rude she said—such as that Grandpa's new girlfriend's boobies look fake— and that you secretly agree with.

Snowsuitpoopensigh That deflated feeling you have when you finally get your 2-year-old into her winter layers and then smell something funny. You briefly consider just letting her go play anyway but then sigh and start unwrapping her and cleaning her up, at which point she's ready for a nap.

TGIM The working mom's dirty little acronym.

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